Switzerland from lake to lake

Planning this trip with Anne took a long, long time, as it turned out to be during the ski holidays in Switzerland, working in musty cafe's with great pastry but still, windy tea gardens,(firuzaga cay bahcesi) add to that a huge dose of patience for those of us( me) who are slower at planning things then others..yet still manage to find some interesting places to stay the night-like a quick trip to Austria, which turned out...wait and see. The idea for the trip started with Anne commenting that it would be good to see Geneva before she takes her class there in May. Well it took off from there, I'm always willing to travel, and Switzerland with mountains and snow, seemed ideal. Besides which, I'd heard from Shane, as well how beautiful, but expensive (;0) it was. I love traveling by train and we found the panaromic train lines as well as Swiss flexi passes which allow for a certain number of days travel within a month,which were surprising affordable.(however a note of warning the web page is not so clear about a few important points, and it is best to get the booklet!) It stated free travel within the city buses and metro, but its very difficult to prove that and half price the days you aren't using your voucher, but it was only between the first and last day of your travel dates, so if you use them back to back..ahh well..sorry...however, staying in youth hostels, gives you a free travel card for the days you stay, which worked out great. Luckily I had gotten a Youth Hostel card from England,(which worked for both of us) thanks Shane for the tip, I got it renewed with some difficulty in Austria though!!

Important web links:
http://www.swisstravelsystem.ch/

http://www.rhb.ch/

http://www.myswitzerland.com/

And our itinerary:

• 2 days in Geneva SBB local train to Lausanne.
• 1 day in Lausanne,next day local train to Montreux catch the panoramic train (Golden Pass line)to Interlaken.
• 2days in Interlaken (traveling to the famous Jungfrau region, and walking around between both lakes, Brienzersee and Thunersee.
• Next day traveled to by Luzern by Golden Pass to catch the Pre-Alpine Express(Voralpen express in German)to Romanshorn on the shores of Lake Constance, same day traveled by regular train (which was no longer the SBB trains but Rhaitische Bahn ) to Feldkirch,Austria, spent the night there.
• Moved the next day by Liechtenstein bus line number 36 through Liechtenstein to Brig, in approx.45mins. From Brig, took RBahn to Celerina (located 5mins from St. Moritz).
  Spent the night in Celerina and in the morning went to St.Moritz and took Glacer Express to Zermatt, (approx.7 hours).
• From Zermatt took the train back to Visp and then to Montreux.
• Spent 2 nights in Chamby 10min suburb from Montreux center and took the train to Geneva airport from Montreux.

Our adventure begins on arrival in Geneva, which is a big and very organized city. Did I mention that it is also a bicycle city with loads of bicycle lanes, this was true throughout most cities. If anyone has traveled to Germany, then they know how detailed and efficient they are, in all matters from recycling to train times. Yet in this case Switzerland can be considered the anal retentive student in class who pays attention to every minute detail. This can best be demonstrated with this picture below:

Approx.trans. The sly dog can train the master.

Versions of these cartoons can be found all over Switzerland, and they really are put to use. I admit to laughing at the cartoons. After leaving the train station we found the Hi hostel with little difficulty, having seen the sign of the little house and tree. It turns out there are two hostels one Hi and the other City. The hostel was quite big and comfortable, not very esthetic but practical and clean. The prices were reasonable including breakfast and wc in the room. We went out for a walk the first night, and came upon a restaurant right across the train station. Les Brasseurs, which happens to be famous in North of France. It has the appearance of an english pub, with a non smoking room thankfully. But, of course, there was a wide variety of beer, and one table sported a long glass tube filled with beer, approx.5Lt. We had the house beer, which was nice and light for me and of course pork. Warning in advance!!Having been deprived in Istanbul, our menus throughout Switzerland consisted on basically pork and cheese products. We had what is called "flammekueche" a very very thin dough with toppings (like a pizza but better), bacon,ham, mushrooms, cream, raclette cheese, onions, we had two! Mmmm. Okay, after which we discovered Migros and other supermarkets which made life a little more affordable,practical and interesting as well. The bread is excellent, as well as the cheese and jambon. However, the cheese for those who are interested is around 15-20CHF a kilo, bread around 3 CHF,charcuterie around 15-20CHF a kilo as well, ready made salad in packets around 3chf, and Apfelschaft with mineral water which I love, around 1.70 a bottle. Thankfully water was drinkable from the tap and that I like mineral water otherwise like Sweden normal water is more expensive. So onto Geneva. The trams and bus lines are pretty easily manageable and with a free travel pass from the Hostel, very practical. We took a tour of Geneva on foot, by the train station the Basilica of Notre Dame, after seeing the one in Paris not very awe inspiring. A famous geyser which was interesting but for a few minutes.

The old town was very short and had some interesting architecture, some 16-18 th c. buildings mostly turned into restaurants, but the highlight was not the United Nations and its sculpture of a huge Broken Chair, signifying all those poor civilians who live in mine infested territories, but Carouge a little village a few km outside Geneva, it was pictoresque and quaint. It has music festival in the spring. We also visited CERN for Anne's school trip. Not being scientifically inclined I assumed I would be bored, however it was surprisingly interesting. The interactive materials made the information received much more stimulating. The amount of effort that was invested in discovery was both fascinating and frightening. If these scientists in the early 50's could see where all their investigations and discoveries led this world, would they be appalled or consider it a part of the way of the world? I couldn't help searching through all the men scientists for a woman, and lo and behold there was one. She was named Alice and they named the first Electromagnet after her. This was a quite big achievement. (I leave the interpretation up to you, the invention of the magnet, or naming it after the first woman scientist, or even the fact that there was one!) I also found out through an experiment playing a computer game how many atoms and protons etc my body mass has. Uh hum..having added a few kilos, I won't mention any details! We also visted the Botanical Gardens which I am sure in spring would be magnificent. They even had a small zoo..and guess what we saw...Bambi (as even my little buggers call deer)and PEACOCKS!! I never saw them before and they DO make the most horrid sound! Sorry no pictures! However, after two days in Geneva I was ready to move on, they had an interesting neighborhood behind the train station which had a very significant modern architectural appearance. Three architects designed the buildings with no straight lines, in a Gaudi style, but the guidebook says "smurflike cartoon appartments", which they appeared to be. But now...on to Lausanne.

Truly my favorite city in all that we have seen. The guidebook called it Switzerland's San Francisco, only having heard about San Francisco I can only make an assumption, however yes I think it would be. It had a different "air" about it. There was a sense of community and integration between the cultures. The streets were narrow and some crossways built higher then others so, that you have two levels of stores and an elevator to take you down, as well as streets running above and below. Some houses were old from the 16th to 18th century, some were from the 1960's all in a melange of architecture which worked. There was even a long wooden staircase dating from apprx.16th century which connected the higher and the lower markets. Ingenious, especially as this was the pilgrims route for St.Jacques de Compostela. On the hill is a church, which contains a door used until the 18th c.for pilgrims to enter easier,and cross through. Quite a beautiful Gothic church containing interesting sculptures of saints in contrapasto( their bodies are in movement form) which were undergoing a highly technical restoration, whereas Anne was more interested in the new high tech organ! As we had only that afternoon in the city, we found a nice walking map showing the major sites in approx.2hrs. Luckily the weather was nice, and we even got a free concert at one of the churches...and I got a scare. Imagine walking up to the door, about to open it and slowly the door opens...you peer inside only to see a thick curtain and hear someone playing Bach on the organ, but! no ones behind the door! Very high tech, automatically opening door! After we walked around we headed for the youth hostel, which unlike Geneva wasn't in the city, but we decided to walk to the bus stop in Ouchy, a lakeside resort, to catch the bus to the next town. Unfortunately this city is built on hills! and I was still carrying our backpack...and we had bought food as well. Laughing, (now), it's amazing how much room you need, we used every little space available. And Shane remember breakfast at Sundsvall's and how convenient your polar jacket was, well luckily I had mine as well!!!!A nice walk, through beautiful old early 20th c houses, very ornate stone buildings. Once we arrived at the hostel, built near the old Olympic training grounds and the Olympic administration building no less,(a black glass monstrosity) we were in for a shock. A rectangular block building...grey, ahh what is this an old bunker?? But, once inside the rooms, built around a courtyard open to the elements, its minimalist style was sympathetic, grey concrete floors, a wc like the ones in Flogsta, a thick concrete shelf built instead of a headboard (very useful,painted white) and a tv (luckily they had a few french channels to watch), amazing it was like a four star hotel! Ok, the price was more expensive then the other youth hostels, but for one night it was heaven! We took a walk around the lake and the training grounds, they thought of everything the athletes could want, and now its free to the public. There was even a small bar in the hostel, very chic and comfortable, where we had a beer. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to try Swiss wine! I couldn't find any affordable ones. So, the next day after breakfast we head to Montreux to catch the Golden Pass train to Interlaken.

It was our first panaromic train AND it was filled with geriatrics!!! A 50 year old would be a teenager! Ok there were one or two others beside us, but it was a laugh. However the trip was amazing. The windows go up to the ceiling so the view is breathtaking and airy. Especially after we got on a few normal trains you realize the difference! Interlaken is a must see! Especially for anyone who is a nature lover. Here we stayed in a small hotel, called Falken Hotel. It was reasonable, in the city center which is really a 10 min walk from either bahnhof, its better to walk then take the bus. Interlaken is between two lakes, the Thunersee and the Brienzersee.

Interlaken is a beautiful quiet city, which inspired many famous people including Lord Byron, who stayed here. If you ignore the few modern monstrosities, like a very tall cement building (a hotel) and a restaurant named "Hooters" right across from this view, well then its idyllic. I had a fun time explaining the meaning to Anne, only to come across a nice picture hung on the door!

We accidentally walked all the way to the Brienzersee, we took a walk through the forest behind, and followed a trail led by a "man and his dog" in the snow, it became a bit of a lark to see how far we could follow them-tracks in the snow of someone you don't know, I enjoyed their company and was sad not to find them. Though it was a very big dog, judging by the tracks, we went on without them, making our own tracks to follow. Beautiful, amazing, awe inspiring, silence, crunching of snow underfoot..and the views of the mountains. This was Schynige Platte.

We went higher and higher climbing around little trails, small waterfalls, and we even got our first glimpse of wild deer, ( I did wonder if anything else was around besides deer!) so after a few hours of climbing and following the "wanderweg" signs we found ourselves near Brienz.

view of Lake Brienzer behind.

Other than the view of the lake it has nothing to offer, the bus back to Interlaken ran every hour, and well, we decided to walk back, it took about 40 mins but the wind cut like a knife. So we were quite happy to be back in our little hotel room with a hot shower!

We planned upon going to the top of Jungfrau Mountain, but when we arrived at the train station, the visibility was very low due to fog, and it was quite expensive by train to go to the top. We therefore opted to go to Kleine Scheidegg which has a view of the Eiger Mountain, and is 2061 meters, and JungFrau was 3400 meters. Yet, it was still amazing...


As we started our walk we followed the Eiger Run, the longest sledding trail. It was seperate from the skiers with only the lone hiker or two, so the silence was complete. Once in a while there would be a shreak as a sledder hit a rough patch or a steep hill but otherwise quite peaceful. The mountains were our friends, coming up all around us.



At times we came upon a train line, snaking upwards,(we opted to keep walking to the town of Grindelwald rather than taking the train, we had time, later we realized it was good we started around 9am. (Yes, we had a breakfast at 7:00am and left right after..so not a trip for those who like to sleep!)
At times it felt as if you were on top of the world, and so tiny and insignificant! How could we possibly NOT keep walking!
I understood why people yodeled in order to communicate. Walking through the snow, most of the time following a trail, it feels as if you are the only people left in the world. The birds keep you company, and there were many different varieties, at times the route took you on top of the trees, there barks almost covered in snow.We saw many little varieties of pines trying to grow through the snow, so hardy yet so gentle! The clouds enhanced our imagination, sometimes on the mountain tops, sometimes behind, sometimes covering it entirely!



After approximately 4.5hrs of hiking, sometimes very near the skiers we finally made it to Grindelwald, where we shared a warm apple strudel and hot chocolate, before heading back. Looking at the mountain we had a great feeling of accomplishment and awe, with aching but happy muscles we made the trek back home by train. That night we ate out, I had sausages and plain"rosti", which is made with grated potatoes. Anne had one, which was superbe, made with bacon, ham, creme, onions and cheese..mmmmmmmmm. The last night we walked towards the Thunersee, but before we made it the sun set, and we had a beautiful view..



Next day, trip to Luzern, which I'd suggest visiting though we only had 30 mins before the train left. It looked like an interesting place. We caught the Pre-Alpine Express (Volparen in German) to Romanshorn on the shores of Lake Constance. It was a panaromic train, and we passed through some beautiful landscapes.No pictures, Romanshorn, was surprisingly dull and uninteresting, we had a picnic lunch on the shore, ran into a few more covered Turkish families which I seem to attract like magnets! Off we were on regular trains to Brig, and from there to Feldkirch Austria. It only took 20 mins to cross the border, although we arrived at night, and there was not a soul around, at 8pm...we managed to find our way to the hostel, 15 mins away. We were in for a surprise!!! It looked like something out of Shakespeare!It dates back in the old manuscripts till 1362! We appreciated it better in the light of day. Inside was a complete renovation everything was restored to its old appearance, using a lot wood, oak i imagine. It was very inexpensive compared to Switzerland and I'd recommend it, although breakfast was extra it was very good. This used to be a leper colony in the form of an infirmary, which cared for their "spiritual and secular welfare" , it was also where travelers who couldn't afford regular pensions would stay, and they housed the mentally disabled as well. It continued as a hostel/infirmary 16 to the 18th c where old people who paid into the system could go to retire.So, it was restored to its original purpose in 1985 as a hostel! .

We took a short walking tour and it was a beautiful old city, far more interesting then Romanshorn. There was an old Jesuite college that was attended by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, now a music conservatory. Lots of old churches,interesting frescos on the Rathaus. The importance of religion can be seen and felt throughout Switzerland,and here. An arsenal, powder tower and a mill gate are some of the attractions, as well as a 6 storey gate tower built end 14th c.

Backerei-Vendor a little old Austrian lady, selling the most amazing!!!Marzipan croissants!!in this bakery.

Okay after we boarded the bus, we knew the time of departure, but wanting to be sure, it was the bus, we tried to ask him, and all we received was a very strange look, along with a few grunting noises!! Now, I know the difference between not understanding English, we had a few hand signs and mix of languages, this was just plain "I don't give a f..." so we had a good laugh, and blamed it on the Liechtenstien people. Sidenote:It must be difficult living in a country where most people forget it even exists!! and its rarely mentioned in the history books, except now it seems to be in the news more, some scandal with their banking methods and Germany. Most of the youth we saw, Swiss or Austrian, or Liech.. seemed a bit lost in terms of identity. They all sported the same low baggy pants, piercings, sweatshirts. We passed through some suburbs in Switzerland, where I knew by the look, driving of vehicle, just overall attitude that they were middle eastern or turkish. And god help me, it became a game, to find them,everywhere even in Feldkirch there are Doner Kebap places!!!! In this tiny village there were 2!

So, onto Celerina, it was basically uneventful, we arrived in Celerina, why? Because the train for the Glacier Pass left from St.Moritz, and everything there (affordable) was completely booked months in advance. However this was quite convenient and even better. This was still stylish and the most we paid for a room in the entire trip, in Euro no less! However the hotel was an old Brewery, De Alte Braurei, and yes there was a bar with beer, but we didn't partake. I asked for soup, wanting something warm, and it was awful! Full of salt, and three pieces of tortellini in broth, which I was charged 6CHF for..sigh, that and paying 4CHF for a small bottle of water, was the most pissed off I'd gotten about anything. Normally I didn't mind. But I felt cheated. Also good point to remember, for someone who grew up in New York, and Istanbul, stores and restaurants close early!!! by 7 stores were closed. By 9pm the restaurants as well almost.

So, our trip on the Glacier Express.. and filled again with retirees -a lot of french! and a wonderfully funny old italian couple, carrying, no not a dog, a cat but a parrot!! A big green and red parrot, who spoke a bit and enjoyed a very comfortable traveling case. Good for them!!!

We are now on the Rhatische Bahn, but on a panoramic wagon. Once past Luzern there is a noticeable change in the language, from French to German. Near Celerina, though it was Italian as well. The fresco's on the walls of the houses were in Italian, in Celerina.

Sights from the Glacier Express.

Near Chur the oldest town in Switzerland, 5000 yrs.

Ruins but..amazing on the edge of the mountain.

13th C.castle Ortenstein

Disentis village dominated by Monastery 17th c.

View on Andermatt founded by the Walsers in 12th c. (shane any idea?)

Oberalp pass (2033m), between Andermatt and Brig. The Rhone valley. This area is a must see! (map marked)

Matter Valley between Brig and Zermatt

Jesus...pray for us.


Glacier near Randa before Zermatt-In 1991 some of the rocks fell and destroyed a few houses in the village below!

Back to Montreux, we stayed at Les Charmettes, a guesthouse run by the nun's of St. Vincent de Paul (Anne's school belongs to this congregation). They were very very nice, and it was good to be in a family setting. We spent two nights with them, and got a tour the next of the environs the next day.

Chillon Castle on Lake Geneva, Montreux (Byron's Poem, the Prisoner of Chillon).

after some rain an amazing rainbow-the colors and size was magnificent, but no pot of gold.


What I will do for cheese!!! A cheese factory in Gruyere, lucky for me the sister was fond of cheese as well! We got a tour, and a free sample, 4,500 kg of milk to produce 12 rounds of cheese at 35 kg each!

WOW...very good gruyere by the way

..so our trip ends almost full circle.

surrounded by princesses

As if to prove how well advertisements really sell, we had maybe half the class of one or another princess, and almost all of them were a Disney character! One of them we couldn't figure out for the life of us, Rosella, alas, at our age we are too old to know the new characters...mind you these are characters from a new tv series..laughing, we found out from a very disgruntled mother, who also has trouble keeping up! It's interesting how brainwashed these children become, were we like that???In case anyone is wondering the show went off, as well as could be expected-for three and four year olds. Although I will admit the parents were hilarious! All standing on their seats with cameras and videos (pushing and shoving)taking pictures of their little "angel" who half the time didn't sing but that didn't bother them. Just a reminder for those of you who may have kids..or in the future...

Happy Holidays!

I've been a bit late but.. I'd like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I'd like to make a toast May we have a Prosperous, Happy and Healthy 2008! A memory from Bulgaria..

A side note to make you laugh: It all started with a chat to Anne about old tv series's that we used to watch AND THEN she found IT! Some old Wonder Woman from the early 70's. The things you can download nowadays! My god! How could I have possibly watched this, have I been scarred for life, at the tender age of 6 or 7! It is so pro-American -anti woman, that it's unbelievable. If you have no idea about Wonder woman or only remember her from the cartoon -then I suggest you download it from somewhere, its a cult classic. Along with Bionic woman, (and man)hmm dare I watch that as well...sigh. These were the "feminist"women we had to look up to growing up. A woman in a bustier, wearing the american flag on her underwear. But she was beautiful, and even though she was a superhero, she still managed to need the General's help..oh and lets not forget love...! However, despite all this I still get a kick out of watching more of it-I'm hooked! sigh..thanks..

I've become a bit set in my ways, and at the moment, and life is comfortable(hmm is that good?) I want my friends around me..and I miss those that are away...sign of old age??

Savoy

Due to the cold I've had to relocate to my favorite patisserie..luckily they have internet! The Savoy is a very nondescript little pastry shop which has been around since th 1950's and is famous for its milfoy. Which is also called a Napoleon, it is very thin pastry dough,and custard, but mmmmm its excellent. So is there other desserts and coffee so it is not a bad place to sit and write, just dangerous for the wasteline!

I smile to myself, and have gotten a little nostalgic for my youth. Just next me are a group of women, approximately aged 65-70 a group of 5, they represent Istanbul's past. They are of Greek origin, and mix greek and turkish together. It is so familiar to me, that I feel a sort of warmth and comfort from them. I don't intrude but just listen in..they are very vivacious and laugh from the deep within. Gossiping about this and that..It's sad to think that they are now so few and far between.

Planning to go to Switzerland for the semester break, so looking forward to that, especially since booking tickets was quite an adventure. Thank you...for all your hard work!

It's amazing what a little green (nature) and some sea can do for your morale. We escaped on a day trip near the Black Sea, to a little resort town called Sile. In the summer its hell, with everyone flocking to the beaches but now it was wonderful. The weather was accomodating, with a break in the week long rains that we had. It was wonderful..The next day we went somewhere again near the Black Sea, to have breakfast, it was a huge breakfast with a variety of both homemade jams and the best was peace and quiet with a view of forests. I find it ironic that foreigners have shown me more of Turkey then I could have imagined, thank you..again.

There are little changes occuring all over Istanbul, due to the new government. Newspapers which are known to be pro government hence religious, are being advertised more frequently. Schools and foreign companies are being more closely examined-although more and more American companies are being opened i.e.Ben and Jerry's ice cream..really we were missing out!! The only liberal newspaper left, noted that more and more phd scholarships were being given to students studying in Arabic speaking countries..i.e.Egypt Tunisia, which until now wasn't on the list. Walking down a street passed a Greek orthodox church, I saw a nazi swatstika(spelling) which was graffitied on the wall. Disturbing because its so easy to walk past it, and not reflect on it. So it will be interesting to see how this country fairs in a few years..

So, on that note, good bye for now..

Hello Shane and Aurore, hope that you are coping well with the Australian heat Aurore!!!Bisou

Hello from Firuzaga cafe/mosque....

My little cafe..sigh..I've spent a greater part of my time here, and have seen it through many changing seasons. At present the days are overcast with torrential rain storms!! water seeping down the streets, into your shoes, and houses. Unexpected the heavens can open up in a minute and close just as quickly...the environment is going to hell in a handbasket, it was hot and sunny just last sunday, as I rollerbladed near the sea. My one chance of excercise and meditation. The Marmara sea, is an amazing expanse of blue..as far as the eye can sea..(okay Shane, you may think so?what else is new..smiling) but for me..it helps to relax a great deal. So today in my little cafe at exactly 9:05am a siren was heard throughout the city and the world stopped..literally, everyone, got out of their cars and stood up, well me as well. One minute of silence to commerate the death of Ataturk. Was interesting to see. Yes we have become this past year and half a more nationalistic society, almost to the point of fantacism I'm afraid. Red and white flags everywhere!! big, small they hang even when there is nothing to celebrate. There is a sense of f..k the world who needs them, but its a bit scary as well for someone not used to this. Protest rallies, against soldiers dying in Iraq, a marathon which I happened to go to turned into a rally, (i only walked across the bridge, about 8km, not like some others who actually ran the 15km marathon) with flags being distributed and slogans shouted, "turkey won't forget its martyrs (soldiers)and the country wont be divided". People of all ages young and old. Will post pictures of the "marathon"later on a different camera. Most people are worried about the war with Iran, if it will happen etc. But life goes on. I who don't have internet, tv, or buy newspapers(most of them like in the US are owned by the same person who is pro govt, so there is no point really) live relatively stress free in my little cocoon-of work and home. Life is still enjoyable, esp if you enjoy the little things. Like discovering a Belgium restaurant which prepare a wonderful meal of mussels provencal and a cold glass of cold white wine..(may sound trivial when compared to the grand scope of things but you take what you can.) OH! I forgot to mention we met up with two young french travelers. Idealist, ecologically friendly, young (24) they are bicycling from France to India, at least that is the plan, through Iran,Pakistan and on to India. Ivan and Amelie, they play the accordion, and the violin, worked teaching circus acrobatics to children, and studied musicology. They were a breath of fresh air, delightful and full of optimism. They came to Istanbul to get their visas, which they managed to get, and after a week or more with them they left. Good luck to them and I'd love to see them again. They have a web site which I'll post on my blog. Yes,its great opportunity to see the world, but I think after a few months I'd miss a hot shower and a bed..okay I'm a little bourgeois...maybe its age! smiling. I'm still keen on walking for a month, through somewhere, though I'm more prepared mentally then physically!Should I listen to a little bird and remember how to bicycle? (yes you can forget!) Otherwise, the little buggers (kids) make me smile as well as want to pull my hair out, but the week flies by and I'm never bored. Also I'm grateful to be working must amount to something. Planning my semester holiday, in Jan-Feb. Geneva, anyone? Shane the traveler, any suggestions I want to rail around and not just stay in Switz. Sigh..looks like rain..goodbye for now. Genvieve...if you read this, where are you?? Stay well...

Pink anyone????

An interesting sight on my way to work...

The world in pink an advertisment for a tv commercial! I couldn't stop smiling it was an amazing sight! This is an old street by the Italian High School. Everytime I pass this street the architecture reminds me of Italy or France...amazing when you think of all the cultures that truly did make up Istanbul, and now look at us...sigh. Mais la vie est toujours aussi belle.

I freely admit to sinning..and loving it!!

Spent a wonderful three days in Sofia and despite the 3hour border crossing, I freely admit to being a glutton!!! Anne and I spent three days in food heaven!! Shane, we found the Market Hall, by accident it looked like a tram station, and inside...mmmm...country ham, gouda cheese!! cheese that looked like camembert made from yogurt!!, delicious thick peasant bread, sliced ham, bacon, sausages...mouth waters just thinking about it!! However yes we did do more than just eat!! Although....we went to a restaurant which was amazing (even though the service wasn't) The Manastirka Magemitsa (http://www.magemitsa.com/) which served traditional recipes from Bulgarian monastaries. Beautiful old 19th century building, they closed the courtyard and added tables. Although the menu was literally around 30pages, we managed to eat 3 dishes- (not with ham we have our limits!) fish and a vegetable appetizer..one fish dish I remember came from St.George Monastery, and two desserts, an apple cake with no flour, just apples and nuts..(sorry Aurore) although there is ALOT more. A little pricey but worth it..We tried the beer and chardonnay not bad..Oh!! I almost forgot the Bread..imagine a huge fat challah bread with they serve with dry spices that you dip into, (according to Anne this is also done in Hungary).
We wandered around Sofia, and yes the Archeological museum was excellent!! however since it had just rained the cafe wasnt serving us, which was fine we sat outside amongst the roman head stones and enjoyed a rest..nice cafe. The museum had an interesting exposition on Japanese erotic art! yes..in detail..The weather was brisk compared to Istanbul and I came a bit unprepared with only one pair of pants!! which of course got drenched in the downpour...and no heating in the pension, well thanks to some innovative thinking on Anne's part, holding it over the lightbulbs, it was damp enough to wear till I bought some warm sweatpants..(which I needed anyway, but yes..(it was thoughtless of me, but i thought its only two days..and in my defense it was 20 degrees in Istanbul, little did I expect it to be around 9 in Sofia..) and less in the mountains of Vitosha..This is one trip you can't miss!!!!! Finding one's way around the trams and buses is easier then you would think considering the map is in Latin letters but all the signs in Cyrillic! There is a beautiful half hour teleferik (hmm is this english) through the mountains, and being autumn the leaves were changing color and the fresh clean smell..I will admit that all through Sofia there was a freshness in the air, especially coming from Istanbul..We missed that a lot, its especially great to drink hot chocolate or coffee..My god can they drink coffee!! and Espresso shots, like in France. Imagine my surprise when I got charged each time I asked for more milk!! Unfortunately due to fog and extreme cold, we only managed to get to the mountain about 2000 metres find a tiny little cafe post open, like the old log cabin ones you see on tv, buy something warm, and go back down again. But it was definetly worth it!! So, back to Sophia, we came across an amazing little church not mentioned in the guide book, Shane had you seen it. It was in an underpass, in the middle of the street, from the 11th century but the frescos were from the 15th century. Of course dome shaped, incidently I'd like to read up on dome shaped churches I haven't too much experience with them, any advice would be appreciated. It was called St.Petka of the Saddlemakers..very warm and cosy dark with a lot of the frescos intact..but we couldnt figure out exactly which scenes they were. Unfortunately photographs were not allowed. Yes, I saw the 5th century church by the archeological museum, St.George Rotunda, and the roman ruins in front of it. We happened to pass by on Sunday and there was a mass. We also managed to catch Sunday Mass for St.Sophia cathedral. The architecture is amazing, its exactly like a mosque, and the acoustics..wow...the choir was excellent. But the service was strange, and I've been to Greek Orthodox services before, but this was all done with their backs to the congregation. I thought that was only done in old Latin masses?? Another interesting church was the Russian Orthodoks church, it has a basement where someone sorry not sure who, passed away, and its famous for performing miracles...hmmm. We skipped the natural history museum, and the national gallery, sorry maybe another time..However we did manage just because it was on our way to see what is labeled the "ugliest sculpture in Sofia" (truly it is) The Monument to the Bulgarian State,it was built in 1981 and started to literally fall to pieces and no one wants to foot the bill..(sculpture in background in photo)We stayed nearer to the train station, on a street called Pop Bogomil, in a small hostel, called The Rooms, really its in a quiet area which we first thought was too far, however no, its 10 mins by tram, and 20 mins to walk to the monuments, which is fine..it was a nice little hostel, with heat the next day, it got colder, breakfast on cake(like spongecakes topped with jam, and carrot cake) and best of all fresh coffee on a little electric grill- Shane, the little perculators italian style, I bought one, my souvenir from Bulgaria!!) We definetly want to go back, especially to Plovdiv, which should be amazing. Luckily its not too long,6-8 hours by bus. Depends really on the border crossings..Anne wants to do bike across the fields and see all the monasteries, hmm I wish I could, but not enough stamina!! smiling, but seeing one or two little villages would be great. Unfortunately my next long holiday is in end of January through February.. hmm though I might need to sled through the snow perhaps ??? smiling...
The only other comment that I will make is on the advertising..it really is sex based. Look at a photograph of Sisley clothing and you see a couple erotically kissing,(not about to kiss as in most adverts-this is a huge poster on tram line) a woman in a skimpy skirt and tight shirt on top of or near a car,and no its not a mechanics magazine, but an advert for clothing..sex shops all around even in the street signs in every neighborhood..yes its in every country, but really this stood out, especially since its mostly the women who are portrayed as objects..okay okay I stop..smiling..
p.s.will post pictures but the connection is too slow now.

We're off we're off...

to Sofia we will go..No work, no children...!!! Hopefully no rain as well..smiling..the weather has been grey and cloudy for the past few days..maybe affects my mood, but a little green frog has informed me that all might change..

Karma anyone?

Whenever I am really happy there seems to be something to mar it.. But anyway yes I'm happy most of the time, although for the past few days I've begun worrying about my age(again)-and my lack of planning for anything! Really sometimes I'm amazed at myself. Okay, there is no use crying over spilled milk or complaining about it, it changes nothing, but it's fascinating...how time flies..and time can never be enough sometimes.
Life in Istanbul in the evenings and weekends is enjoyable. Warm weather,(amazing we are still wearing shorts) someone making me crepe!! for dinner, (of course with chocolate!!), reading by the seaside, (a favorite enjoyable past time, while the weather holds, with fish that jump and seagulls that make a huge amount of noise)rollerblading to get some excercise by the sea- sigh what will we do when winter really comes I dont know..but for now..although I've been ignoring a few friends now that I've started working, just feel like excluding myself, though I know its not good...just not enough time( or want)..smiling..We are off to Bulgaria for the weekend (yea long weekend!!) so although I was never interested, (yes shane) it is close, cheap and surprisingly interesting now that I saw the guide book so any advice on where to visit would be appreciated (by thursday)..
Off to dinner, stay well all...and hug and kiss to those of you who know...

Time got away from me....

Okay, working and no internet at home..well time got away from me! Sorry to all...
So, I've been working with "little bundles of joy" for one month now, just got paid!! Thank you! I've survived..with minor war wounds..a COLD the first week. But I am learning patience and it is a good learning experience. I've also learned to appreciate 10ms of just quiet before the second storm!!And NO this does not mean that I am now qualified to do free babysitting!!! smiling..Otherwise, time passes very quickly, and by evening I'm tired..It's amazing how precious weekends have become. However, I have managed thanks to a good friend..to go to the 10th Biennal festival, here, and see some interesting exhibitions, photographs, modern Art sculptures and short films..AS well as some interesting German films subtitled of course, for free!! surprise surprise...I'm quite happy with my present living arrangements, although, come winter it will be interesting with no central heating..We are learning to live together though generally I don't think there is any major problems..However like everything else in life, it takes compromise on both sides. Do I regret anything-no..just that time moves too fast sometimes! I've brought rollerblades and until this illness..sigh..have taken to rollerblading in Asia,(laughing) for approx 10km. while Anne either runs or bikes...of course I've also taken my first fall or two!! but its good, we go early in the morning before 9am..yes I can get up! And the boat ride is amazing and relaxing for the spirit...I usually spend my weekends just reading by the Bosphorous..luckily the weather has been strange and its warm!! Not complaining..at the moment. So, Shane and Aurore, hope you two are adjusting to life together, and hope we see each other soon...stay well all, know that you are in my thoughts even if I cannot write.

Feeling good...

I've found time to sit on this wonderful terrace, with light music coming from the restaurant across the street, oddly enough similiar to the Moulin Rouge..it's a bit chilly and no stars out tonight, but really meditative and a bonus to have in this city.
Despite all the little (big)problems happening in Istanbul..intercity buses starting to allow for prayer breaks..or so the newspapers have stated..I've been a bit busy with my new job and some personal experiences..Having forgotten how little 3year olds were, I was in for a surprise, as well as how much microbes that those little buggers carry!!! I'm still smiling, which says a lot for my state of mind. Being in a healthy and supportive environment is good for the moral..
So does every good thing that happens to you, come with a price? For the first time I am not thinking of the future but living in the present. Living in Istanbul you develop a lack of privacy..wandering around the house naked you happen to forget just how close the windows are..oops...As well as the noise..my neighbors child decided that at 11pm he wanted to sing!! loud enough for all the world to hear..as well as the ladies who never sleep, sitting on the doorstep-some on an old couch, eating sunflower seeds, till the wee hours in the morning, of course! their conversation drifts through the open window..which because of the heat is impossible to close. But the best!!! (this happens all around Istanbul) are the ladies living on the top floors, yelling for the 'market' boy, who takes their order usually bread, juice, or a forgotten vegetable, for which a basket is lowered-through the window-the requested items placed inside and the basket is raised back through the window... all in a days work.
However, la vie est belle, and at this moment I am enjoying every minute of it, thank you! thank you! thank you.. un petit bisou...

Ahh I found two books!!in my friends used bookstore, one on the sociological aspect of gender studies, written in 75 but still interesting, the other called Sexual Politics, a classic or so I've been told..ahhh...my luck is changing for the better. Laughing I've been told 2008 is the year of the Rat, and it will be a good year for us, in more ways then one..

Where am i?

I sit in my favorite Belgian cafe(a small luxury which I granted myself), Le Pain Quotidien, drinking heavenly coffee out of little bowls, with light jazz music playing in the background and New Yorkers talking in the background-light skinned African Americans smiling and laughing enjoying life, making ME smile,.. however this is NOT New York, no, it is in a modern, very chic, open planned mall that could be located in Rome, or Milan, but its in Istanbul.. It is hard to understand really, the huge gap between the secular luxury loving, comfortable living walking around the streets of New York as they are in Milan, or Istanbul, with the AKP regime, who are integrating into the very heart of the system. The educational system, social system, where, on Friday's if you do not go to mosque you are ostracized, and fundamentally forced to comply whether or not you believe. I usually sit outside in little sidewalk tea cafe's one of which happens to be under a mosque. It is an old cafe which has been there for at least 30years. This past year I've watched as slowly the sound system which projects the voice of the muezzin,(prayer) has gotten louder. To the degree in which you cannot talk, and although people have complained it is for nought. Looking into the faces of the young men who go to Friday prayer (which is compulsory for a muslim male-so I've been told) they are fresh and innocent, 11,15, early 20's and I feel a sense of pity-of course it is all relavent. They seem quite happy with their lives, having known little else, but looking at the increase of head scarves and the decrease of real opposition, it makes me wonder what Istanbul will look like in 20years. However for now, I can still enjoy looking around me and seeing only western faces...

So...I haven't written...

Spending time down south, I was able to relax, and think (maybe too much according to a few!) But, I realized that home is where the heart is, cliche though it might be. Right now a part of my heart is in Istanbul, and that means putting up with a few difficulties for the moment , such as a regime which is the opposite of what I'm used to. Conservative, and limiting to women, with men in the forefront of everything. Honor killings are still a huge issue, and economic life here is making people more and more short tempered. However,this regime IS what most people in Istanbul are used to and want, and unfortunate though it may be to most of us they will elect Gul. He is a representative of the people. So what do those of us who aren't part of this do, well we either bury our heads in the sand and hope for a miracle continueing to live a life which is in a way a cocoon against reality: western type clothing, bars, cliche's and all. Click our tongues and shake our heads (as our mothers are want to do) over where the country is heading and fear for their children..or run away. If you've lived abroad for a certain amount of time, its very difficult to find someone who "thinks" like you do. My friend and I were talking as we floated along in the water, lazing...and I thought back to my past relationships and what I wanted in a relationship now, and as I listed the basics.." enjoys life, laughter, doesn't bring wear me down with negativity, pushes me to do more as well as themselves etc" I found she was shaking her head in agreement, and she realized how difficult that will be with a turkish male. It's just not in their cultural upbringing..how sad..but then I started wondering if it was in any male society?? Should I start doing male gender studies instead and find out? Having just now read an article in IHT about how married women with children wish they had a wife..at home as well. How difficult it is to actually have children and a career, whereas men seem to prosper with a wife at home, wives seem to stress and lose job opportunities. Sometimes I think I shouldn't worry about probably not having children..which is my supposed cultural role in life...sigh, good thing I like to be controversial a bit.

la vie est belle and the life is short...

Considering these two options, it's best to grab life with both hands? no? So, excuse me if I do what makes me happy and content, however hard it is to do in Turkey. This is a collectivist culture as my psychology master friend Su tells me. Therefore this means(in my humble opinion of course) that everybody and anybody will intrude, remark, exclaim and basically interfere in your life because well they know better and they mean well..and trying to be different or just yourself is a bit difficult. It's also interesting to see how different people view you, and the criticism about your character etc...hmmm I seem to be selfish and ungrateful, unstable a bit too in my choices in life - of course according to some, maybe it's true, I guess depending on whose side you are looking at it from..for me well, I tend to look at it from a more positive aspect, everything I've done has helped me grow and learn, and my life has been anything but monotonous..what is wrong with doing what makes you happy??so, right now I am pleased to be where I am and look forward to where I will be in the future.. under which sky who knows, Australia, France, U.S....

Looking up at the sky the stars are the same,
for you, for me, for the past centuries...
how many lovers stared into their depths,
lost, entranced, bewitched by their sheer numbers..
only to see a shooting star, one whose soul has died,
yet undiscouraged a wish is made...of love...of hope..

Two different aspects of the same view..

me in Bodrum...enjoying some live music

irresistable....

2 months old ohhhhh...if only...

Grateful...

Okay...sometimes it pays to be grateful for the little things..like watching a pink sunset settle over grey mountains, framed by green pine trees- and being able to relax and know that life isn't so bad after all. Having spent about two weeks encased with my family-brother and nieces, along with a few friends, I realized how "free" I really am, and how much I have to be grateful for. Talking to a cousin I also realized how much I've experienced(and continue to experience) and grow as a person, whereas others get stuck and struggle to cope within a small world. Trying to find a way to escape- yet being tied down with responsibilities of marriage, children and possibly the worse of all their own lack of self confidence, that they will survive outside....People keep telling me I'm strong..but, I don't see it that way, we only have one life to live, why make it more complicated?? The basic necessity (besides love-sorry guys, it still makes me smile-what controversy!!) is happiness..but love comes in many forms-passion,respect, comradery..if we are lucky we get all three in one person...
Ahh sorry small digression but the landscape has turned from pink to shades of grey..there really is beauty in nature, if we only stop to take a look...and a deep breath..It's sad to see someone you care for in pain or living a life which is filled with more negatives then positives...especially when they are younger then you..

If not to listen to me when I speak,
why are you here,
If not to comfort me when I'm sad,
what use are you to me,
laughter, a powerful tool,
lost with the passage of time..how long has it been??
Be my friend as well as my lover,
otherwise we can't survive!
Why continue if we are only two machines,
traversing the same path, the same routine on automatic, where sex becomes just another chore!
If in the end this is what we become, grant me the strength to leave...for this is not a life.

Su's interesting photo of me..

on a day trip around my part of town..

an old English prison tower-the building is less interesting, turned hospital. Curious about the year..and the view..

Laughing..sorry for the confusion..

I freely admit that at times my life takes strange twists and turns, but that is what makes life interesting. At the last minute, I've found a job which might turn into something interesting, it's teaching english at a day care, but the owners are into all kinds of interesting activities,(music therapy,drama etc..) and have a good educational background as well as doing this job for 16years, and no, they are young -early 40's female. So I'm actually excited and nervous!! However, I'm also staying for a few personal reasons as well..smiling...so everything happens for a reason and I'm just following the flow...
Therefore....I'm in Istanbul for a year in case anyone is interested, and NO I have not given up on the phd, just will work on all the paperwork and applications etc from here..hopefully it will all work out.

Smiling..

So true...

By Hélène Cixous
"How can we finish a book, a dream"
What happens at the end of a text? Here again we have much to learn from what dreams, our masters, do with us; the author is in the book as we are in the dream's boat. We always have the belief and the illusion that we are the ones writing, that we are the ones dreaming. Clearly this isn't true. We are not having the dream, the dream has us, carries us, and, at a given moment, it drops us, even if the dream is in the author in the way the text is assumed to be. What we call texts escape us as the dream escapes us on waking, or the dream evades us in dreams. We follow it, things go at top speed, and we are constantly -- what a giddy and delicious sensation! -- surprised. In the dream as in the text, we go from one amazement to another. I imagine many texts are written completely differently, but I am only interested in the texts that escape.

From Three Steps on the Ladder of Writing (New York: Columbia University Press, 1993) 98.

For a moment..

I had forgotten what it was like to live for the moment, to accept changes when they happen and ..Not to worry about time, I'm grateful I remembered to relax again at the last moment!! Life should be full of surprises..preferably good ones.

The world is full of angels..

Again and again I repeat the litany,
La vie est belle, again and again, it has no beginning or end.
Full of promise, full of hope,
A sweet promise of trust, guardians of a fragile being...easily broken, not easily mended..yet, without whose existence life is very mechanical, a daily routine...life is grey.
Share your trust with me and see a world that is full of laughter.. no longer grey but light and airy, trees of green, seas that burst over the sides too strong to contain.
Believe that life still has promise, hope and really life can be beautiful..no longer alone help me believe in possibilities..

Life is to be lived...

There is a poem by Cahit Sitki Taranci-which he wrote when he was 35 years old, and in it he says that 35 is "yolun yarisi" meaning half way to the grave, and he describes how he doesn't recognize himself in the mirror-who's wrinkles are those, where is my youth...maybe he was right for if I remember correctly he died young. But if those people I met yesterday, who said our thoughts form our world, are correct then....

On July 22nd I shall be..35 years old..wow! BUT unlike him, I enjoy my age! I'm stronger and happier in my 30's (to those few friends I have who are actually under 30 smiling). And unlike him, I can look in the mirror without flinching..(thanks to good genes and maybe a more positive outlook at life) We all feel regret etc and days when things feel wrong..but they have to come and go...I'm lucky...truly..I have very good friends, who keep me grounded. Some more than others make me fly and feel sometimes too much..smiling...and laugh, and laugh, till I have tears coming out of my eyes..Thank you..such a simple saying but it means a lot. But life is meant to be lived and enjoyed! There is no time for long regrets or what ifs..At least not for me, so yes 35 may be half way but it's positive and a time for new beginnings and new adventures! So, my friends for those who read this- I declare for my birthday, I will make a wish and not keep it to myself, but for all of you as well....

I wish for health...without which nothing is really possible..
I wish for days filled with inane laughter, laughter till your sides ache, tears roll out of your eyes and you can't catch your breath!-I'm sure there are hormones that are released...amazingly relaxing..
I wish for peaceful, quiet days, next to the one you love-just reading,or knowing that person is near enough to touch...-simple things, a look, or a slight touch, can make you shiver....
I wish for internal fulfillment-with work, study or research, because without which I've come to realize its not enough..
I wish for time!- yes..time, time to travel, to see the world...and enjoy the one you love-there are so many different ways..smiling..sigh!!. Time, may be my one concession to getting older.

One day I hope to be somewhere in this world, where we could possibly all meet!! How I will make this happen I don't know but...somehow I will..as you can see we are stretched out quite a bit..and this list may be incomplete -laughing old age...makes my mind forget..but you all hold different places in my heart..

Shane-Aurore (yes I will write you together as you've become in life..happy for you!!)(Australia)
Helio-(Portugal)- gender studies anyone!! smiling..yes..
Anne (France or??) my confidant...will always find you..
Lara (U.S) my lost best friend..sorry that I cannot be there for you, when you need me.
Genevieve..(Canada)-my spiritual advisor who gives me hope...hope you are enjoying traveling...
Erik...(U.S.)-keeps me on my toes..U.S.politics and surprises..
Saskia..(Holland)with two beautiful kids...omar and djimila...and its been 11years now..
Carro-(Sweden) Hej!!! some invisible connection I'm sure!!my baking partner..
Alex- (Sweden-London?)along with Egil of course!!! couldn't have managed without you..will write soon..
Nadine( Zurich or Dublin..hmm-good luck and may you find a place in this world)
Helen (Sweden)- keep writing..the world needs journalists..
Kaira (Scotland)..Orbit as well...sweetheart hope you are well..haven't heard from you in a long time!!
Ilgen and Sebahat (Istanbul) old friends...ten years on wish you both happiness!!
Su!!!-( Istanbul,New York, Spain..??)-good luck my friend in establishing yourself..not easy.

life is never so simple...

As it seems...I've come to realize that in order to have some peace and independence you need to have money, yes okay, maybe I'm a bit late in realizing this...but after having an interesting arguement 2 against 1, with my brother and mother, I've realized that everyone has a different tolerance level, and some none at all..In order to have some peace in this life, and live it the way you choose then, yes, monetary independence is a must...My mother just got a taste of an arguement in gender studies, and considering my quite logical and calm reaction to topics which she couldn't understand, (as well as my brother) I've realized that it is best not to bring up these topics (I just get a headache)...smiling ruefully...She asked if this is what I plan on studying as a phd anyone want to guess the answer...Really, they don't know me very well at all...sigh!! Je suis tres tetue...

I met two people from Dublin,they were here for a "breath therapy" conference (interesting, learning to breathe) and as I helped them find the modern art museum in Tophane, they explained that the main philosophy behind the therapy is, " Our thoughts form the world around us"

hmmmm...i think i like that idea..

Beauty in nature....

A gentle caress, my hand strokes the blooms ever so...softly,

colors both pale and delicate beneath my fingers,

Fragile, resilient my fingers skim over the contours..

eyes closed,

I find a single rose mixed amongst the hydrangeas,

her petals closed, forcing me to have patience, the softness

easily bruised, as I discover the hidden secrets she keeps..

family reunion...

You know you are getting older, when boys become men, and you can remember changing their diapers!(my cousins) hmmm 18 years have passed...so maybe this crazy "abla" can broaden a few horizons and show them that life is worth experiencing to the fullest!

No longer lost...

Once again I'm drawn back into gender studies (sorry Shane!) but spending time with a friend, I realize HOW much society's dictates are ingrained in all of us. It's a startling revelation! Shane, I know you much prefer history however, this is living history. Have you ever had to make a decision where only your mind stopped you..but even then your arguements to yourself were lame?

What gives us the right to impose boundaries, rules regulations on emotions? Why should a simple label placed during the 19th century (by men) pyschoanalysts, immediately grant stigmatization and create...a difference? A right and wrong way to bestow our emotions?? Limits on what kind of love (maternal, sexual..)may be given to and to whom....it's so bloody simple!! IF only people would accept and let it be...How can you say it's wrong to care about a living human being, to make them laugh, and want to be with them....Live Love and Learn..back to my first entries..if only let ourselves relax and live.

I grant that this form of argument has been made by many academics, but as it's a sore issue with me, it deserves to be repeated!

la vie est belle!!

Some things in life come unexpectedly...and it's up to you to realize this and have the courage to take advantage of them-no matter how long they last...I've just realized how many social and cultural boundaries we place on our selves...but if we take a long hard look then, they come up truly empty..

Take advantage of life, and enjoy it while you can, for you never know what tomorrow may bring..

La vie est belle- merci madame anne pour tes conseils...

Sunny days are here...

Hello all..

The sun is shining, and I'm probably off on a new adventure towards the end of summer. San Francisco is calling my name..so, wish me luck. It's a logical choice, lots of uni's, sun, sea...cafe's. As close to Europe as I'm going to get..So this is me standing by an old house, bit more of me to love now..sigh..hoping to lose them soon!!! smiling..

Enjoy the day my friends, tout commence par des reves!

Fantasy to reality,

To state a simple fact, I miss this desperately.

What is this world coming to...

I know I sound like somebody's grandmother but seriously! I was talking with a friend in France, and discussing the finer points of French politics..smiling-Thinking how most French people when asked said they wouldn't vote for Sarkozy, he's too stubborn,opinionated etc..But, the fact that he was going to win was visible. Survival of the fittest, when all is said and done, people want a tough, macho, no holds barred kind of politician. Otherwise Bayrou would have fit the bill. Now we have a world, which has Bush...sigh..Sarkozy..in Turkey, well we can't seem to find a non religious candidate or non nationalist..both ends of the extreme, and well wonder what's going to happen in the UK, with Blair! ahh well, at least thinking of politics and all the riots we can expect has put my present jobless state out of my mind for a bit..

Small world...

Once again, I've been amazed at just how small this world actually is! Or are we really tied together with invisible threads, which reconnect us to people that we've met so long ago..People with which we have established a good or.. (bad) energy. I found a friend who happened to sit at my table at a cafe, a friend that I met oh..ten years ago, through another friend. So, we picked up where we left off..someone else to visit in Europe..someone else who agrees with me, that New York isn't someplace that you want to grow old in. But then again neither is Istanbul...but thats another story..

Nostalgia...

Okay guys,

I sometimes hate looking through old photos. I've gotten nostalgic for Sweden, but for the times we had, not just for the place itself..
Ofvandahls!! A must to anyone who goes to Uppsala, however I warn in advance it can become extremely addictive!!!

Everything comes with a price..

even freedom..With one swoop of my keyboard I have cut myself free, but what have I lost..financial freedom in lieu of peace of mind. Which should have greater say..Ah well I drag my stress around like a ball and chain. I need to like what I do, where I work..sigh..I've been spoiled I know. A wonderful friend told me to travel take photo's and write! Oh how tempting that does sound..to be pulled between trying to act my age (which I still haven't managed to do) and being faithful to myself which leaves me virtually pennyless..well, something will turn up it must once again..Live love and learn...one is supposed to learn from one's mistakes..

and yet...

Like a lover even the most complacent can be pushed too far! Sigh..
My boss assumes the role of patron yet it is not in me to be submissive,
soon- my rebellious nature will take over and I will be once more out of work...
Sweet is the sun shining on my face, filtered through the few remaining branches..calming in the mist of horns and traffic jams that fill the bus stop.

Pleasure and pain..

Love, hate relationship..my job has taken on these qualities..it changes from hour to hour..but like a lover who returns to her abusive husband, I return to my job. Words are the key, whispering words of love, she (he) stays..as for me whispering words I want to hear,,travel, relocation and money..dare me to stay. Sighing I wait for the final blow, or in my case not getting my first paycheck..yet, what do I fear more, that I will and prolong this agony or that I wont...

So this is what it means..

I'm learning patience...I'm learning what it means to be an adult..I'm learning to do a job that bores me to death (but I'm capable of doing it with little thought), for little pay because I have no choice. I'm learning to stick with it, even though the creative side of me rebels, because I have no choice. I need to work and survive on my own two feet..so this is what it means to grow up. I thought that long ago when I left the bank, idealistic and free, that my life would change around..but fate or destiny has a way of shaking her finger, and getting back at you. The most interesting side of it is, this is Istanbul..will I even be able to GET my pay..now that is quite normal here presumably, but then I 'd have my excuse...grinning ruefully..

any resemblance....

Mom's 70th birthday..bad photo of me but thought great one of my dad..and well, very serious family photo! smiling

Smiling..the world has potential again..

Okay for all the time i have whinged and moaned,
felt sorry for myself and needed to let the world know,
i now feel content. I've taken a risk and invested in a challenge,
one that can either fall flat on my face or turn out in my favor.
I work long hours and keep busy doing ten things at once, but
it's not monotonous-
no social life but who knows life is turning out to be very interesting..

Feeling useful...

it's amazing how important it is to feel useful, to know that you are a making a difference -
this need not be something huge, like finding the cure for cancer, but just figuring out little details that someone else missed-and feeling in control, another thing that was lacking in my life..As usual I'm being stubborn and taking risks. Believing in something, someone, when most people tell me not to! I've been wrong before, and this can't turn into one of those, I can't eat crow here...too many I told you so's! Just once I WANT to be right! where do i go if i'm wrong..not going to think of that yet..I need this too much, I hadn't realized how much. It feels good to be in my element...even if that is just as an assistant..

Working, reading and sitting quietly in a corner writing with a glass of wine, Quietly alone being the prominent word here..I miss that as well, so for all of my friends out there, enjoying sitting in a quiet house, with no one to bother them enjoy it. I've lived in other peoples houses for 8 months i'm damn tired of it...i'm not that social or family oriented.

Hmmm the weather is at least holding out, sun, sea and light chilly breezes..

Will post pictures of my mother's 70th birthday party later..went out to eat.

Stay well....

so there is always a brighter side..

Sometimes it takes a while to see it, it gets lost amongst the fog and despair. The difference comes with some financial independence-even if it's not much. Working is good for the soul, it keeps away the memories, the what if's, if only's..immersed in work you lose track of time. I know that it's better to be alone than to be with someone for the wrong reasons. I've been there and I've recently found out I like being independent and not answering to anyone for my actions..So, tomorrow I start working..wish me luck.

Have I given in?

Has the need to find work clouded my judgement? I've accepted a job which I know I can do, for a ridiculously low amount of money..it's something to keep me sane, but why do i feel as if i've given in?? Given in to societies dictates and accepted a job that will bore me to death! Sigh...the need to balance getting old and needing security with enjoying life while you are still young..Having ideals and goals and being able to achieve them!
The complexities of life and love...

we are not always what we seem...

little by little my strength deserts me,

replaced by a fatigue that infiltrates my soul.

watching the sun slide away,

my heart senses nothing but its basic function.

the sun leaves behind a chill wind, which suits me as it slices me in two.

once open will it finally reveal a heart of stone?

Fits my mood...

crossing the continents on the ferry-istanbul

Apology to all

I've been trying to post photos since the 14th of March but there seems to be a problem-hopefully i will find a way to fix it! Getting annoyed!

Look what I've become...

Searching for work has become a combination of prostitution,
begging and luck.
Although I've begged,chatted and just about used every form of charm (except one)smiling..
still no luck. There is only one thing I can't do! It's make a pest out of myself.
Yes..that's probably why I'm still sitting here! Therefore what's a girl to do??
Continue to believe in the jobfairy??Laughing..
Wouldn't that be nice, a near cousin of the toothfairy perchance.
Someone flitting around leaving little acceptance applications in your email-rather than money under your pillow!
Laughing..yes it's now official, I've lost what little sense I had...
If found please return to sender..

Effect of sunlight..

Weaving in and out of the crowd, sunlight glints off the metal tray-
deftly handled by steady hands-
Hypnotized by its motions, I continue to watch..What binds me to this place? Warm sun heats my back, my eyes close almost asleep.. A muezzin reads the afternoon prayers, harsh and loud it breaks my stupor. Calling the faithful it has the reverse affect on me. A gypsy woman asks to read my palm, dare I? Would it make a difference?
Isn't it we who determine our fate? We who change our destiny according to our past decisions..So, no, there isn't anyone to blame but ourselves. Resigned to her fate she gracefully accepts a donation while I get up to leave, leaving behind the sunlight.

All the world's a stage,

and we are merely players...
in the process of searching for work,
this could never be more true.
Never knowing where the opportunity may be,
the actors take the stage.
Socializing, smiling, making eye contact,
in a store,a bar, or in my case
a cafe.
Polite conversation flows from one person to the next-
exchange of emails, that's the present trend. No longer-
the use of phones. They are seen as too personal -
the sound of a human voice,
far more difficult to refuse-
Whereas an email-is easy to ignore.
Once again,smiling, laughing-
considered too social by some,yet-
those who have jobs have forgotten the struggle behind the mask.
They sit content, safe at their desks. Dissatisfied they grumble, yet
no one makes a move to leave.
Afraid that one day they too will once again have to search and socialize.
All the world's a stage and we are merely players...
lost in our own neverending circle we struggle to survive.

Don't fence me in...

Porter had the right of it..
The cafe by the sea has become my haven
hidden away from reality, hot tea and the world at my fingertips.
A sea of faces accompanied by greetings, acquaintances that stay inside this sphere of plastic and wooden chairs.
Murmur of voices some raised to cacophonic heights during the day.
At night the sound of wooden chips slammed against the backgammon board,
shuffling of newspapers-replaced by the creaking of boats against the waves.
Safe..a place to run to-when I have no place to run.
Wandering nomad I called myself. I couldn't have been more accurate...
At times, I'm walking a thin line
j'ai besoin un gros calin but alas not just from anybody!

Whose afraid of the big bad wolf??

What are we afraid of in this world? I asked myself this, havıng just read an article on once again the inclusion of gay children's books in Germany and Britain. http://www.spiegel.de/international/spiegel/0,1518,archiv,00.html) Societies, in general, inflict so many stigmas and boundaries on how we should live our lives. The article went on to state that the children themselves were fine with the idea, but it was the parents that were getting worried. Isn't the whole purpose of marriage,relationships or whatever you call it-two people uniting in a show of love. We seem to mix up the act of sex with a person's sexual orientation. And I daresay that is the first thing people think of when they hear of a gay couple. Can someone tell me why, when we change the gender of the penetrator does it become an issue? Who are we to judge how two people have sex! God knows there are those out their that get aroused by strange fetishes, and isn't anal penetration prevalent in heterosexual relationships as well?? Just as well, I'm sure if anyone reads this , they will say that sex isn't the problem, but isn't it? What else is different then? If we take the act of sex out of it, how do you rationalize denying two people their fundamental rights?-love, security,children-yes children! (my own mother disagrees with me on this point) People argue it is against nature- Haven't we seen hundreds of documentaries on monkeys, and forgive me for not remembering the breed, but there are those that penetrate just about anything when they are in the mood. The females congregate in same sex groups feeding each others children, cleaning each other and basically only use the males to procreate. Hmmm..
I just think that we have to take our head out of the sand! There are children out there who have a gay parent, or have two mommies etc..so wouldn't accepting this as ( i hate to use this word-forgive me) but normal just make life easier for everyone. Besides which this isn't a preference, one cannot just switch one's feelings like they do chocolate and we all know how much good denying does?? All those historians out there-Helio and myself included, can tell you homosexuality has been around and intends to stay! There are so many other problems out there in this world that argueing about a persons sexuality seems ridiculous, take global warming for instance...and not falling in love again! smiling..

Empowered I like that word..

14th C.Walrus tooth chess piece-Gotland Museum

It has an interesting ring to it! Being interested in literature I know that words have a power on their own and this was one word I never considered 'empowered'. A friend of mine used it in describing her state of being in her current relationship. What does it take to feel that way?? I asked myself and came up with this basically,

if you can walk away from a relationship without getting hurt (too badly) then you are empowered.
if you can leave a job at a moments notice-
if you can wake up in the morning and smile for no reason-look at the sky and enjoy the beauty of the day-then life hasn't gotten you down you are empowered.
if you have options that allow you to change your life whether or not you use them, knowing that they are there-
most important if you can look back at your life and not feel too much regret (it's impossible not to feel any) and smile then.....

And right now, I feel empowered, jobless I might be but not without hope and choices seem to be popping up every day now. I've also begun to realize that I've lead an interesting life which I should be proud of....

A day in Bebek Kahvesi...

Sitting by the sea in a crowded cafe, filled with the cacophony of dice and smoke-roll, slam, drop to the floor. Curse,crawl on hands and knees in search of the lost culprit. Backgammon, a game that goes back centuries, to be played during times of stress and relaxation. Lulled by the sound and smoke my mind wanders..time ceases to exist. Yet my heart still aches..a sign that I'm not dead yet. Do I believe in coincidence? Destiny? Someone I've just met,says don't give up-Yigilma...dare to believe in your dreams. Why when I've almost given up, do I get a second chance-from friends and strangers alike? Made to sound so simple, tout commence par des reves! My own motto, comes back to haunt me! Tea flows from tray to table-a never ending tide, strong, dark and unmistakably Oriental, a tradition as old as the game. To have what you want, what do you have to give up? Photos displayed on the wall for others to see and enjoy, a testimony to a life spent traveling..live,learn and love. Is life really so simple?

Some things never change..or can they?

I am happy to be known as Auntie Aylin to my friends son, nicknamed Orbit a beautiful soul, who as a child only wanted a kiss-cuddle...he's now, in the seventh grade in Scotland and as a quiet child, growing up can be quite difficult. Interestingly enough, the highlands of Scotland are not the quiet idyllic places that we or at least I assumed them to be. On my one and only visit two years back (time flies) I was introduced to bullies, unemployment, underage and overage drinking, drugs and single mothers..If looked at simplistically, it can be narrowed down to the fact that there isn't anything to do-my friend was trying to organize a recreation center to keep the local kids busy, but all this takes community effort and one person's drive. It's truly a hopeless situation because there is only so much you can do..and these kids are supposed to be the next generation, how? when teachers spend more time in trying to control them then teaching them, since when did we need security guards in schools to protect the teachers from the kids! I know everyone knows all this and its nothing new, yet, I still feel it's important enough to remind everyone once again..it's hard to imagine life can be any different if that's all that you are used to..so how do we change it! The only way I can is to be around to offer support and an ear to listen if these kids need anything..

Learning to let go..

Who would have thought that, letting go was the hardest part?
Guard your heart is what they say-
but how can you live that way?
Someone, tell me how to stop these thoughts..
Just when everything feels under control,
Two cats screech in the distance echoing my thoughts -
Piercing my brain, I will it to stop.
I cannot believe that I’ve lost the battle before it’s begun.
It’s not in me to give up, so please tell me why-

letting go is the hardest part?

Spring is in the Air

Okay, I must admit,we haven't had much of a winter at least in Istanbul (which I'm aware is bad for the environment and truly am worried) but....it's beautiful to have the sun shining and birds chirping! Makes me feel like I can conquer the world again.. Smiling (Now if only I could lose those extra pounds..sigh) Life actually feels good, found a great bookstore where I can sit and read books (in english!) in the store and what a selection from Art to History.. as well as free internet..hmm I'm in heaven-smiling. Sometimes, this city doesn't cease to amaze me. In some ways Istanbul feels like New York, coffee-cafe's- English on the streets,expensive stores. However, that lasts as long as you don't look too carefully..then you venture into unstable politics, social reforms, a youth lost between western and middle eastern culture.. Also, it will be interesting to see what the work environment will have to offer-alas if I can ever get into it not to mention the social...
p.s. Thanks for the insightful comment made my day!

Life has a funny way of making you eat your words!

Never say “never” is what a friend of mine told me a while ago..seems he was right! But in a completely different context.
I had my heart set on getting out of Istanbul- or was it that I was trying to get away period..If I’m honest that was more of the issue, however after a short but fruitful trip to Europe, I’ve realized that at the moment I’m better off in Istanbul- running away is always possible, but right now I don’t have the energy to start all over again. I want roots..yes I’ve said it, I dare to want “normality”-picket fence and all..(in Istanbul that will be hard to find!)
Although I’ve been accused of getting to old, that is just a misconception (dare someone tell me otherwise.) It’s a stereotype that needs to be gotten rid of –age is what you feel! So, long story short, I’ve started a new search through some friends of mine for work..I’ve also started to put my photos in some order, and maybe find someplace to display them, a restaurant, gallery etc..why not..These are some of the advantages of living in Istanbul.

Sitting by the sea, (finally free internet!)the weather is overcast and windy with waves crashing against the wall-but amazingly beautiful and calming. An old man about 80 walks into the café, wearing his camel coat and beret! We also have two young men sporting “rastas” and beards, an eclectic mix, and the never ending tea!..oops forgot to mention the black Labrador who wanders in and around the chairs…
I’m a bit more relaxed now that I’ve decided to stay in one place, Genvieve if you read this you were right, life pulls you like a leaf in the wind, you never know where you will end up, with whom, or sometimes without whom…
Sometimes giving up and letting go, is the only thing left to do! So my friends I’m trying to close a chapter in my life, but its about the hardest thing I’ve done in a long, long time..and no, you don’t get wiser with age, just cling harder...
So for those of you who are wondering, no I haven’t given up on the phd idea but I did put it on hold for the moment. I need to earn money first (no I haven’t just realized this!) Just thought I could get away with doing both at the same time..sorry to be repeating things I feel like a broken record but hey that's my life at the moment..I've stopped making plans, they never work out for me anyway-as SOME friends can attest to, having had first hand experience..smiling hugely! Like some- I thought I could have my cake and eat it too…guess not. But I’m smiling again, if a bit ruefully! Traveling is good for my morale and I'm grateful to all my friends -new and old -that I have scattered about it making it possible!! Hopefully I will have a place of my own one day, so like my mother keep tabs -smiling! You are all welcome..

P.s. If you hadn't noticed I made a radical change to hair and color, and you all know how much I hate photos but no other way..comments welcome- smiling!

Dare I say it...

I am an idealist.

Despite everything I still believe in "happy endings", "love", and

"trying to get what you want in life."Although,

there are times I begin to feel my age,and life starts to feel too short-

I start to wonder if I'm "too late" but for what...To start anew.

That's it, when all is said and done.It's difficult not to be scared and

think that "they" might be right. All those who know better..Yet it's not fair!

I might be too late, but...

I am an idealist..and I want to try..

Tout commence par des reves..it all begins with a dream!

A day spent whinging..

I always thought that one day life would get easier, there would come a time where everything would just fall into place. Why?I don't know! I've come to the conclusion that unless you are one of those lucky people who know what they want to be from the precocious age of 5, most people don't know how they will turn out. Fate and luck play a large part, if born into a semi civilized society that is one point in your favor. I say semi civilized because every society has its own rules and regulations which could be argued for or against. Living in Istanbul at the moment, I've become aware of how indifferent people truly can be. However this can be said about most big cities and I just happen to be here. Sitting in a street cafe drinking tea, waiting for the ferry a gypsy comes up to me. She's old, asking to read my palm, I've blown her off before in one of my "don't give a damn moods" but looking into her eyes I said no thanks, she said she was hungry..so I gave her some change. If you really look at them and touch them its hard not to feel some pity...same thing on the ferry coming back. An old man with one leg is trying to interest the crowd into buying lighters-his face is lined, and tired as if to say doesn't anyone give a damn. It isn't fair really, how much would could either of them earn and at that age..I thought of myself, my family, friends it could happen..you never know. It's the same with romance and love.

Growing up in New York, I read alot, and I still do, hence my becoming an English major. However, sometimes reading can be dangerous and lead you to develop ideals which truly do not exist. Like the myth about "Prince Charming"..hmm riding up on his white horse, or the "happily ever after" with one man (or woman). These dangerous thoughts had most young girls (at least when I was growing up back in the 80's) to primp and shorten their skirts in hopes of attracting him and living out the fantasy. These girls do attract men, in many different shapes and sizes. Many girls, excited by the prospect of a man, settled for the imitation with hopes that some would get better with age. Some seemed quite pleased with themselves and for many years assumed that, getting slapped, degraded, pregnant and cheated on was just part of the new package. How did they know, we never got passed the kiss or riding off into the sunset. So,maybe this was what they deserved, if you tell a girl or boy they're worthless enough times they start believing that. Although I'm not sexist I've taken on the side of the women here, it's just a larger ratio usually in society. Sigh..A never ending cycle..it's hard to escape once you're caught in the middle and it seems impossible to leave. Sadly, this doesn't seem to be a new trend, listening to older people discuss their youthful exploits made me realize that it's always been around. Don't we ever learn?

Another pet peeve of mine happens here in Turkey, as well as in a few other places (non western) arranged marriages and women seen as commodity, to the extent that they get killed.Some young girls in Turkey, try to escape by running away or going to the police. However, as luck would have it, it seems desperately unfair. The guardian arrives properly contrite and the girl, who is usually underage, is released into their custody. Returned to their previous abuse which sometimes leads to death. I despise reading the local newspapers, it details countless accounts of rage murders, jealousy and the most famous "namus"-honor killings. Why is it always a woman's honor, and not a man's? Just once I'd like to read about a woman murdering her husband for dishonoring the family! I cannot understand for the life of me, how one sibling could kill another one, and it is usually the youngest boy who has the honours. (If caught, being a minor he does less or no jail time.) Around the 12th century, the Scandinavians seemed to have the right idea, if a woman was "dishonored",the family was paid a fine and the woman married off at a later time (either to the same man, or someone else). Civilized-she was still seen as property but hell at least she was still allowed to live! What is it with sexuality that has people killing each other?! It is a normal act, which two people engage in and yes male or female. It's my property and I have the right to deal with my body as I see fit! However no, if I was to say that in some parts of the country I would get gang raped probably..It depresses me sometimes to think people should be able to get over it. But no..with all our technology and modernity, human beings still resort to primitive man. Shouldn't we be passed all these issues with sexuality, and just accept people? Lesbians and homosexuals as well..what difference does it make who they love as long as the fact that they do love. Why the desperate need to judge, why can't they just accept it. It doesn't do any harm! Besides which at least speaking for myself, attraction and falling in love, are not conscious choices but more with chemistry and emotions! Therefore trying to force them to be standard, (I hate the term normal ) is a waste of time. This happens all over the world, and it never ceases to amaze me. Sometimes it just seems to be a lack of common sense..maybe despite what I thought life does get easier..at least at the moment it seems that way for me.

In nature we find...

a valley near Urgup, Cappadocia

rocks formed by nature as toys for the gods...delicate yet balanced..incredible.

the cry inside...kathy's lament.

See me for what I am,
love me for what I'm not.
Never leave me standing alone,
needing to see in you
a glimmer of love, just a glance.
Laughter-
lost in a dream, is that it?
Isn't that all this is, life is but a dream,
when in futility it all will end.
Waiting and wanting.. a never ending cycle.

Recovering a piece of my past..

Goreme Museum, Early Christian Church.

Today I recovered a piece of my past-

which ten years had taken in a blur, and

although the body may age,adding a few more lines,a bit of grey,

the soul stays the same -so that

you'd recognize the smile, the voice, no matter how frail the body may become.

Time stills,the years peel away and you still see the person that was left behind,

so many years ago.

There are times when you need to be independent and grow,

however,

it's always nice to have someone who shares your memories,

and remembers the times when you were truly young and naive.

And when in the end you become old and grey, and are left

with photos and distant memories,

how nice it is to sit and chat, and remember those fleeting moments of time

with laughter and a smile.

The discovery of Romeo and Juliet in the strangest of all places...

In the little village of Harran, young Juliet instinctively knew

what to do, with no hesitation, no guile

a little smile and all was lost..

"Should I stay or should I go?" Poor Romeo wondered to himself..

"Do I have a chance?" The age old question..isn't that all we really want?

A chance to be happy, a chance to dream..and a chance to love! In this we take quite a few risks -to find "the" right one..But how do we know? We never really do, do we? As we get older we lose our naivity ,our instinctive trust that it will be alright! People change, love changes-and like Romeo's village friend seems to say..

"Lay your heart open and its bound to get hurt!" but..is the saying true, that old cliche?

"It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all??"

For some that's not true, lost love makes them bitter! Better to erect a shell around the heart filling in all the cracks!!

For some love is bittersweet.. the joy of being together tainted with the knowledge, that it is fleeting..like a moment in time. One of life's endless little jokes which hurt like hell..

photo ©2006J.Jaulin

So the search continues..or does it? Can we stop it! The cry of "Yes!" echoes in the distance..the cries die down..no..and what is left? An empty shell-a cold empty shell..

True it may be possible to pretend to love, some perfect even the physical side of it, with no emotion tainting the heart, going through all the motions, at times so well the other side can almost forget-yet can that really be enough? Do they know the joy of being perfectly in tune with someone who has your heart? A cliche, perhaps, old fashioned-probably for some..but quite a real prospect however dangerous..

Although once I was criticized for saying "love" was a basic human necessity...I stand by it. Just as early canonists stood by it. Possibly misogynistic old men in the 12th century, but in some ways they were ahead of their time..

So unless a chance is taken, we never can know can we? Sometimes it is better to leave the known comfort of an old shell, and take a risk-it just might be worth it.