surrounded by princesses

As if to prove how well advertisements really sell, we had maybe half the class of one or another princess, and almost all of them were a Disney character! One of them we couldn't figure out for the life of us, Rosella, alas, at our age we are too old to know the new characters...mind you these are characters from a new tv series..laughing, we found out from a very disgruntled mother, who also has trouble keeping up! It's interesting how brainwashed these children become, were we like that???In case anyone is wondering the show went off, as well as could be expected-for three and four year olds. Although I will admit the parents were hilarious! All standing on their seats with cameras and videos (pushing and shoving)taking pictures of their little "angel" who half the time didn't sing but that didn't bother them. Just a reminder for those of you who may have kids..or in the future...

Happy Holidays!

I've been a bit late but.. I'd like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I'd like to make a toast May we have a Prosperous, Happy and Healthy 2008! A memory from Bulgaria..

A side note to make you laugh: It all started with a chat to Anne about old tv series's that we used to watch AND THEN she found IT! Some old Wonder Woman from the early 70's. The things you can download nowadays! My god! How could I have possibly watched this, have I been scarred for life, at the tender age of 6 or 7! It is so pro-American -anti woman, that it's unbelievable. If you have no idea about Wonder woman or only remember her from the cartoon -then I suggest you download it from somewhere, its a cult classic. Along with Bionic woman, (and man)hmm dare I watch that as well...sigh. These were the "feminist"women we had to look up to growing up. A woman in a bustier, wearing the american flag on her underwear. But she was beautiful, and even though she was a superhero, she still managed to need the General's help..oh and lets not forget love...! However, despite all this I still get a kick out of watching more of it-I'm hooked! sigh..thanks..

I've become a bit set in my ways, and at the moment, and life is comfortable(hmm is that good?) I want my friends around me..and I miss those that are away...sign of old age??

Savoy

Due to the cold I've had to relocate to my favorite patisserie..luckily they have internet! The Savoy is a very nondescript little pastry shop which has been around since th 1950's and is famous for its milfoy. Which is also called a Napoleon, it is very thin pastry dough,and custard, but mmmmm its excellent. So is there other desserts and coffee so it is not a bad place to sit and write, just dangerous for the wasteline!

I smile to myself, and have gotten a little nostalgic for my youth. Just next me are a group of women, approximately aged 65-70 a group of 5, they represent Istanbul's past. They are of Greek origin, and mix greek and turkish together. It is so familiar to me, that I feel a sort of warmth and comfort from them. I don't intrude but just listen in..they are very vivacious and laugh from the deep within. Gossiping about this and that..It's sad to think that they are now so few and far between.

Planning to go to Switzerland for the semester break, so looking forward to that, especially since booking tickets was quite an adventure. Thank you...for all your hard work!

It's amazing what a little green (nature) and some sea can do for your morale. We escaped on a day trip near the Black Sea, to a little resort town called Sile. In the summer its hell, with everyone flocking to the beaches but now it was wonderful. The weather was accomodating, with a break in the week long rains that we had. It was wonderful..The next day we went somewhere again near the Black Sea, to have breakfast, it was a huge breakfast with a variety of both homemade jams and the best was peace and quiet with a view of forests. I find it ironic that foreigners have shown me more of Turkey then I could have imagined, thank you..again.

There are little changes occuring all over Istanbul, due to the new government. Newspapers which are known to be pro government hence religious, are being advertised more frequently. Schools and foreign companies are being more closely examined-although more and more American companies are being opened i.e.Ben and Jerry's ice cream..really we were missing out!! The only liberal newspaper left, noted that more and more phd scholarships were being given to students studying in Arabic speaking countries..i.e.Egypt Tunisia, which until now wasn't on the list. Walking down a street passed a Greek orthodox church, I saw a nazi swatstika(spelling) which was graffitied on the wall. Disturbing because its so easy to walk past it, and not reflect on it. So it will be interesting to see how this country fairs in a few years..

So, on that note, good bye for now..

Hello Shane and Aurore, hope that you are coping well with the Australian heat Aurore!!!Bisou

Hello from Firuzaga cafe/mosque....

My little cafe..sigh..I've spent a greater part of my time here, and have seen it through many changing seasons. At present the days are overcast with torrential rain storms!! water seeping down the streets, into your shoes, and houses. Unexpected the heavens can open up in a minute and close just as quickly...the environment is going to hell in a handbasket, it was hot and sunny just last sunday, as I rollerbladed near the sea. My one chance of excercise and meditation. The Marmara sea, is an amazing expanse of blue..as far as the eye can sea..(okay Shane, you may think so?what else is new..smiling) but for me..it helps to relax a great deal. So today in my little cafe at exactly 9:05am a siren was heard throughout the city and the world stopped..literally, everyone, got out of their cars and stood up, well me as well. One minute of silence to commerate the death of Ataturk. Was interesting to see. Yes we have become this past year and half a more nationalistic society, almost to the point of fantacism I'm afraid. Red and white flags everywhere!! big, small they hang even when there is nothing to celebrate. There is a sense of f..k the world who needs them, but its a bit scary as well for someone not used to this. Protest rallies, against soldiers dying in Iraq, a marathon which I happened to go to turned into a rally, (i only walked across the bridge, about 8km, not like some others who actually ran the 15km marathon) with flags being distributed and slogans shouted, "turkey won't forget its martyrs (soldiers)and the country wont be divided". People of all ages young and old. Will post pictures of the "marathon"later on a different camera. Most people are worried about the war with Iran, if it will happen etc. But life goes on. I who don't have internet, tv, or buy newspapers(most of them like in the US are owned by the same person who is pro govt, so there is no point really) live relatively stress free in my little cocoon-of work and home. Life is still enjoyable, esp if you enjoy the little things. Like discovering a Belgium restaurant which prepare a wonderful meal of mussels provencal and a cold glass of cold white wine..(may sound trivial when compared to the grand scope of things but you take what you can.) OH! I forgot to mention we met up with two young french travelers. Idealist, ecologically friendly, young (24) they are bicycling from France to India, at least that is the plan, through Iran,Pakistan and on to India. Ivan and Amelie, they play the accordion, and the violin, worked teaching circus acrobatics to children, and studied musicology. They were a breath of fresh air, delightful and full of optimism. They came to Istanbul to get their visas, which they managed to get, and after a week or more with them they left. Good luck to them and I'd love to see them again. They have a web site which I'll post on my blog. Yes,its great opportunity to see the world, but I think after a few months I'd miss a hot shower and a bed..okay I'm a little bourgeois...maybe its age! smiling. I'm still keen on walking for a month, through somewhere, though I'm more prepared mentally then physically!Should I listen to a little bird and remember how to bicycle? (yes you can forget!) Otherwise, the little buggers (kids) make me smile as well as want to pull my hair out, but the week flies by and I'm never bored. Also I'm grateful to be working must amount to something. Planning my semester holiday, in Jan-Feb. Geneva, anyone? Shane the traveler, any suggestions I want to rail around and not just stay in Switz. Sigh..looks like rain..goodbye for now. Genvieve...if you read this, where are you?? Stay well...

Pink anyone????

An interesting sight on my way to work...

The world in pink an advertisment for a tv commercial! I couldn't stop smiling it was an amazing sight! This is an old street by the Italian High School. Everytime I pass this street the architecture reminds me of Italy or France...amazing when you think of all the cultures that truly did make up Istanbul, and now look at us...sigh. Mais la vie est toujours aussi belle.

I freely admit to sinning..and loving it!!

Spent a wonderful three days in Sofia and despite the 3hour border crossing, I freely admit to being a glutton!!! Anne and I spent three days in food heaven!! Shane, we found the Market Hall, by accident it looked like a tram station, and inside...mmmm...country ham, gouda cheese!! cheese that looked like camembert made from yogurt!!, delicious thick peasant bread, sliced ham, bacon, sausages...mouth waters just thinking about it!! However yes we did do more than just eat!! Although....we went to a restaurant which was amazing (even though the service wasn't) The Manastirka Magemitsa (http://www.magemitsa.com/) which served traditional recipes from Bulgarian monastaries. Beautiful old 19th century building, they closed the courtyard and added tables. Although the menu was literally around 30pages, we managed to eat 3 dishes- (not with ham we have our limits!) fish and a vegetable appetizer..one fish dish I remember came from St.George Monastery, and two desserts, an apple cake with no flour, just apples and nuts..(sorry Aurore) although there is ALOT more. A little pricey but worth it..We tried the beer and chardonnay not bad..Oh!! I almost forgot the Bread..imagine a huge fat challah bread with they serve with dry spices that you dip into, (according to Anne this is also done in Hungary).
We wandered around Sofia, and yes the Archeological museum was excellent!! however since it had just rained the cafe wasnt serving us, which was fine we sat outside amongst the roman head stones and enjoyed a rest..nice cafe. The museum had an interesting exposition on Japanese erotic art! yes..in detail..The weather was brisk compared to Istanbul and I came a bit unprepared with only one pair of pants!! which of course got drenched in the downpour...and no heating in the pension, well thanks to some innovative thinking on Anne's part, holding it over the lightbulbs, it was damp enough to wear till I bought some warm sweatpants..(which I needed anyway, but yes..(it was thoughtless of me, but i thought its only two days..and in my defense it was 20 degrees in Istanbul, little did I expect it to be around 9 in Sofia..) and less in the mountains of Vitosha..This is one trip you can't miss!!!!! Finding one's way around the trams and buses is easier then you would think considering the map is in Latin letters but all the signs in Cyrillic! There is a beautiful half hour teleferik (hmm is this english) through the mountains, and being autumn the leaves were changing color and the fresh clean smell..I will admit that all through Sofia there was a freshness in the air, especially coming from Istanbul..We missed that a lot, its especially great to drink hot chocolate or coffee..My god can they drink coffee!! and Espresso shots, like in France. Imagine my surprise when I got charged each time I asked for more milk!! Unfortunately due to fog and extreme cold, we only managed to get to the mountain about 2000 metres find a tiny little cafe post open, like the old log cabin ones you see on tv, buy something warm, and go back down again. But it was definetly worth it!! So, back to Sophia, we came across an amazing little church not mentioned in the guide book, Shane had you seen it. It was in an underpass, in the middle of the street, from the 11th century but the frescos were from the 15th century. Of course dome shaped, incidently I'd like to read up on dome shaped churches I haven't too much experience with them, any advice would be appreciated. It was called St.Petka of the Saddlemakers..very warm and cosy dark with a lot of the frescos intact..but we couldnt figure out exactly which scenes they were. Unfortunately photographs were not allowed. Yes, I saw the 5th century church by the archeological museum, St.George Rotunda, and the roman ruins in front of it. We happened to pass by on Sunday and there was a mass. We also managed to catch Sunday Mass for St.Sophia cathedral. The architecture is amazing, its exactly like a mosque, and the acoustics..wow...the choir was excellent. But the service was strange, and I've been to Greek Orthodox services before, but this was all done with their backs to the congregation. I thought that was only done in old Latin masses?? Another interesting church was the Russian Orthodoks church, it has a basement where someone sorry not sure who, passed away, and its famous for performing miracles...hmmm. We skipped the natural history museum, and the national gallery, sorry maybe another time..However we did manage just because it was on our way to see what is labeled the "ugliest sculpture in Sofia" (truly it is) The Monument to the Bulgarian State,it was built in 1981 and started to literally fall to pieces and no one wants to foot the bill..(sculpture in background in photo)We stayed nearer to the train station, on a street called Pop Bogomil, in a small hostel, called The Rooms, really its in a quiet area which we first thought was too far, however no, its 10 mins by tram, and 20 mins to walk to the monuments, which is fine..it was a nice little hostel, with heat the next day, it got colder, breakfast on cake(like spongecakes topped with jam, and carrot cake) and best of all fresh coffee on a little electric grill- Shane, the little perculators italian style, I bought one, my souvenir from Bulgaria!!) We definetly want to go back, especially to Plovdiv, which should be amazing. Luckily its not too long,6-8 hours by bus. Depends really on the border crossings..Anne wants to do bike across the fields and see all the monasteries, hmm I wish I could, but not enough stamina!! smiling, but seeing one or two little villages would be great. Unfortunately my next long holiday is in end of January through February.. hmm though I might need to sled through the snow perhaps ??? smiling...
The only other comment that I will make is on the advertising..it really is sex based. Look at a photograph of Sisley clothing and you see a couple erotically kissing,(not about to kiss as in most adverts-this is a huge poster on tram line) a woman in a skimpy skirt and tight shirt on top of or near a car,and no its not a mechanics magazine, but an advert for clothing..sex shops all around even in the street signs in every neighborhood..yes its in every country, but really this stood out, especially since its mostly the women who are portrayed as objects..okay okay I stop..smiling..
p.s.will post pictures but the connection is too slow now.

We're off we're off...

to Sofia we will go..No work, no children...!!! Hopefully no rain as well..smiling..the weather has been grey and cloudy for the past few days..maybe affects my mood, but a little green frog has informed me that all might change..

Karma anyone?

Whenever I am really happy there seems to be something to mar it.. But anyway yes I'm happy most of the time, although for the past few days I've begun worrying about my age(again)-and my lack of planning for anything! Really sometimes I'm amazed at myself. Okay, there is no use crying over spilled milk or complaining about it, it changes nothing, but it's fascinating...how time flies..and time can never be enough sometimes.
Life in Istanbul in the evenings and weekends is enjoyable. Warm weather,(amazing we are still wearing shorts) someone making me crepe!! for dinner, (of course with chocolate!!), reading by the seaside, (a favorite enjoyable past time, while the weather holds, with fish that jump and seagulls that make a huge amount of noise)rollerblading to get some excercise by the sea- sigh what will we do when winter really comes I dont know..but for now..although I've been ignoring a few friends now that I've started working, just feel like excluding myself, though I know its not good...just not enough time( or want)..smiling..We are off to Bulgaria for the weekend (yea long weekend!!) so although I was never interested, (yes shane) it is close, cheap and surprisingly interesting now that I saw the guide book so any advice on where to visit would be appreciated (by thursday)..
Off to dinner, stay well all...and hug and kiss to those of you who know...

Time got away from me....

Okay, working and no internet at home..well time got away from me! Sorry to all...
So, I've been working with "little bundles of joy" for one month now, just got paid!! Thank you! I've survived..with minor war wounds..a COLD the first week. But I am learning patience and it is a good learning experience. I've also learned to appreciate 10ms of just quiet before the second storm!!And NO this does not mean that I am now qualified to do free babysitting!!! smiling..Otherwise, time passes very quickly, and by evening I'm tired..It's amazing how precious weekends have become. However, I have managed thanks to a good friend..to go to the 10th Biennal festival, here, and see some interesting exhibitions, photographs, modern Art sculptures and short films..AS well as some interesting German films subtitled of course, for free!! surprise surprise...I'm quite happy with my present living arrangements, although, come winter it will be interesting with no central heating..We are learning to live together though generally I don't think there is any major problems..However like everything else in life, it takes compromise on both sides. Do I regret anything-no..just that time moves too fast sometimes! I've brought rollerblades and until this illness..sigh..have taken to rollerblading in Asia,(laughing) for approx 10km. while Anne either runs or bikes...of course I've also taken my first fall or two!! but its good, we go early in the morning before 9am..yes I can get up! And the boat ride is amazing and relaxing for the spirit...I usually spend my weekends just reading by the Bosphorous..luckily the weather has been strange and its warm!! Not complaining..at the moment. So, Shane and Aurore, hope you two are adjusting to life together, and hope we see each other soon...stay well all, know that you are in my thoughts even if I cannot write.

Feeling good...

I've found time to sit on this wonderful terrace, with light music coming from the restaurant across the street, oddly enough similiar to the Moulin Rouge..it's a bit chilly and no stars out tonight, but really meditative and a bonus to have in this city.
Despite all the little (big)problems happening in Istanbul..intercity buses starting to allow for prayer breaks..or so the newspapers have stated..I've been a bit busy with my new job and some personal experiences..Having forgotten how little 3year olds were, I was in for a surprise, as well as how much microbes that those little buggers carry!!! I'm still smiling, which says a lot for my state of mind. Being in a healthy and supportive environment is good for the moral..
So does every good thing that happens to you, come with a price? For the first time I am not thinking of the future but living in the present. Living in Istanbul you develop a lack of privacy..wandering around the house naked you happen to forget just how close the windows are..oops...As well as the noise..my neighbors child decided that at 11pm he wanted to sing!! loud enough for all the world to hear..as well as the ladies who never sleep, sitting on the doorstep-some on an old couch, eating sunflower seeds, till the wee hours in the morning, of course! their conversation drifts through the open window..which because of the heat is impossible to close. But the best!!! (this happens all around Istanbul) are the ladies living on the top floors, yelling for the 'market' boy, who takes their order usually bread, juice, or a forgotten vegetable, for which a basket is lowered-through the window-the requested items placed inside and the basket is raised back through the window... all in a days work.
However, la vie est belle, and at this moment I am enjoying every minute of it, thank you! thank you! thank you.. un petit bisou...

Ahh I found two books!!in my friends used bookstore, one on the sociological aspect of gender studies, written in 75 but still interesting, the other called Sexual Politics, a classic or so I've been told..ahhh...my luck is changing for the better. Laughing I've been told 2008 is the year of the Rat, and it will be a good year for us, in more ways then one..

Where am i?

I sit in my favorite Belgian cafe(a small luxury which I granted myself), Le Pain Quotidien, drinking heavenly coffee out of little bowls, with light jazz music playing in the background and New Yorkers talking in the background-light skinned African Americans smiling and laughing enjoying life, making ME smile,.. however this is NOT New York, no, it is in a modern, very chic, open planned mall that could be located in Rome, or Milan, but its in Istanbul.. It is hard to understand really, the huge gap between the secular luxury loving, comfortable living walking around the streets of New York as they are in Milan, or Istanbul, with the AKP regime, who are integrating into the very heart of the system. The educational system, social system, where, on Friday's if you do not go to mosque you are ostracized, and fundamentally forced to comply whether or not you believe. I usually sit outside in little sidewalk tea cafe's one of which happens to be under a mosque. It is an old cafe which has been there for at least 30years. This past year I've watched as slowly the sound system which projects the voice of the muezzin,(prayer) has gotten louder. To the degree in which you cannot talk, and although people have complained it is for nought. Looking into the faces of the young men who go to Friday prayer (which is compulsory for a muslim male-so I've been told) they are fresh and innocent, 11,15, early 20's and I feel a sense of pity-of course it is all relavent. They seem quite happy with their lives, having known little else, but looking at the increase of head scarves and the decrease of real opposition, it makes me wonder what Istanbul will look like in 20years. However for now, I can still enjoy looking around me and seeing only western faces...

So...I haven't written...

Spending time down south, I was able to relax, and think (maybe too much according to a few!) But, I realized that home is where the heart is, cliche though it might be. Right now a part of my heart is in Istanbul, and that means putting up with a few difficulties for the moment , such as a regime which is the opposite of what I'm used to. Conservative, and limiting to women, with men in the forefront of everything. Honor killings are still a huge issue, and economic life here is making people more and more short tempered. However,this regime IS what most people in Istanbul are used to and want, and unfortunate though it may be to most of us they will elect Gul. He is a representative of the people. So what do those of us who aren't part of this do, well we either bury our heads in the sand and hope for a miracle continueing to live a life which is in a way a cocoon against reality: western type clothing, bars, cliche's and all. Click our tongues and shake our heads (as our mothers are want to do) over where the country is heading and fear for their children..or run away. If you've lived abroad for a certain amount of time, its very difficult to find someone who "thinks" like you do. My friend and I were talking as we floated along in the water, lazing...and I thought back to my past relationships and what I wanted in a relationship now, and as I listed the basics.." enjoys life, laughter, doesn't bring wear me down with negativity, pushes me to do more as well as themselves etc" I found she was shaking her head in agreement, and she realized how difficult that will be with a turkish male. It's just not in their cultural upbringing..how sad..but then I started wondering if it was in any male society?? Should I start doing male gender studies instead and find out? Having just now read an article in IHT about how married women with children wish they had a wife..at home as well. How difficult it is to actually have children and a career, whereas men seem to prosper with a wife at home, wives seem to stress and lose job opportunities. Sometimes I think I shouldn't worry about probably not having children..which is my supposed cultural role in life...sigh, good thing I like to be controversial a bit.

la vie est belle and the life is short...

Considering these two options, it's best to grab life with both hands? no? So, excuse me if I do what makes me happy and content, however hard it is to do in Turkey. This is a collectivist culture as my psychology master friend Su tells me. Therefore this means(in my humble opinion of course) that everybody and anybody will intrude, remark, exclaim and basically interfere in your life because well they know better and they mean well..and trying to be different or just yourself is a bit difficult. It's also interesting to see how different people view you, and the criticism about your character etc...hmmm I seem to be selfish and ungrateful, unstable a bit too in my choices in life - of course according to some, maybe it's true, I guess depending on whose side you are looking at it from..for me well, I tend to look at it from a more positive aspect, everything I've done has helped me grow and learn, and my life has been anything but monotonous..what is wrong with doing what makes you happy??so, right now I am pleased to be where I am and look forward to where I will be in the future.. under which sky who knows, Australia, France, U.S....

Looking up at the sky the stars are the same,
for you, for me, for the past centuries...
how many lovers stared into their depths,
lost, entranced, bewitched by their sheer numbers..
only to see a shooting star, one whose soul has died,
yet undiscouraged a wish is made...of love...of hope..

Two different aspects of the same view..

me in Bodrum...enjoying some live music

irresistable....

2 months old ohhhhh...if only...

Grateful...

Okay...sometimes it pays to be grateful for the little things..like watching a pink sunset settle over grey mountains, framed by green pine trees- and being able to relax and know that life isn't so bad after all. Having spent about two weeks encased with my family-brother and nieces, along with a few friends, I realized how "free" I really am, and how much I have to be grateful for. Talking to a cousin I also realized how much I've experienced(and continue to experience) and grow as a person, whereas others get stuck and struggle to cope within a small world. Trying to find a way to escape- yet being tied down with responsibilities of marriage, children and possibly the worse of all their own lack of self confidence, that they will survive outside....People keep telling me I'm strong..but, I don't see it that way, we only have one life to live, why make it more complicated?? The basic necessity (besides love-sorry guys, it still makes me smile-what controversy!!) is happiness..but love comes in many forms-passion,respect, comradery..if we are lucky we get all three in one person...
Ahh sorry small digression but the landscape has turned from pink to shades of grey..there really is beauty in nature, if we only stop to take a look...and a deep breath..It's sad to see someone you care for in pain or living a life which is filled with more negatives then positives...especially when they are younger then you..

If not to listen to me when I speak,
why are you here,
If not to comfort me when I'm sad,
what use are you to me,
laughter, a powerful tool,
lost with the passage of time..how long has it been??
Be my friend as well as my lover,
otherwise we can't survive!
Why continue if we are only two machines,
traversing the same path, the same routine on automatic, where sex becomes just another chore!
If in the end this is what we become, grant me the strength to leave...for this is not a life.

Su's interesting photo of me..

on a day trip around my part of town..

an old English prison tower-the building is less interesting, turned hospital. Curious about the year..and the view..

Laughing..sorry for the confusion..

I freely admit that at times my life takes strange twists and turns, but that is what makes life interesting. At the last minute, I've found a job which might turn into something interesting, it's teaching english at a day care, but the owners are into all kinds of interesting activities,(music therapy,drama etc..) and have a good educational background as well as doing this job for 16years, and no, they are young -early 40's female. So I'm actually excited and nervous!! However, I'm also staying for a few personal reasons as well..smiling...so everything happens for a reason and I'm just following the flow...
Therefore....I'm in Istanbul for a year in case anyone is interested, and NO I have not given up on the phd, just will work on all the paperwork and applications etc from here..hopefully it will all work out.

Smiling..

So true...

By Hélène Cixous
"How can we finish a book, a dream"
What happens at the end of a text? Here again we have much to learn from what dreams, our masters, do with us; the author is in the book as we are in the dream's boat. We always have the belief and the illusion that we are the ones writing, that we are the ones dreaming. Clearly this isn't true. We are not having the dream, the dream has us, carries us, and, at a given moment, it drops us, even if the dream is in the author in the way the text is assumed to be. What we call texts escape us as the dream escapes us on waking, or the dream evades us in dreams. We follow it, things go at top speed, and we are constantly -- what a giddy and delicious sensation! -- surprised. In the dream as in the text, we go from one amazement to another. I imagine many texts are written completely differently, but I am only interested in the texts that escape.

From Three Steps on the Ladder of Writing (New York: Columbia University Press, 1993) 98.

For a moment..

I had forgotten what it was like to live for the moment, to accept changes when they happen and ..Not to worry about time, I'm grateful I remembered to relax again at the last moment!! Life should be full of surprises..preferably good ones.