Early christmas party..

Was an interesting night, all snowy and cold,
yet thanks to champagne, felt nothing at all!
Lights floating down, soft sprinkles on my head..
me.. illuminated red,

Happy Holidays!

Ono no Komachi

I came across this poet in Penguin's Book of Women Poets. "Renowned for her beauty and talent she served at Court in the middle of the ninth century. Stories of her life are part of the folklore of Japan."

A thing which fades
With no outward sign-
Is the flower
Of the heart of man
In this world!
(translated by Arthur Waley)

So lonely am I
My body is a floating weed
Severed at the roots.
Were there water to entice me,
I would follow it, I think.
(translated by Donald Keane)

I enjoy the simplicity and the imagery that they bring to mind. As well as the age old sentiment..of love and loss..

Thanksgiving

Well, here in the States it's Thanksgiving, a holiday tradition to cook a turkey..in my family this was no less then 25 lbs usually, 13kilos! We always had guests and always had lots an lots of leftover turkey coming out of our ears! We try to keep up the tradition, the past few years it's been my father who learned to cook past the age of 60 I believe.. Poor man, not his fault too many dominating women, especially in the kitchen, from grandmother..down to me! Well as I am here this year, I volunteered to do it, both to continue the tradition with my nieces and my friend who loves turkey and happens to be here. Yet, unlike years pass, this turkey only weighs 13lbs (7kilos) and god it's been awhile, with the stuffing! It's funny how some things are so ingrained that although it frustrates me I still do it that way, tradition! We close the bird up using toothpicks to hold the stuffing in place! Now, that is about the most annoying and time consuming process, they break, the skins seem to get tougher as years pass, or the toothpicks get thinner and blunter! So my friends, this year I do not go all out, just soup, (lentil), turkey with rice stuffing, some small "meze" appetizers, cheese etc.., roasted vegetables including fennel which I found.., brother who also learned to cook after having children made haricots vert, green beans, and is supplying the alcohol he makes a great martini, while Su my friend is supplying the bread, and fresh mozzerella with tomatoes and basil!
Thankfully Pandora will supply the music, blues jazz and salsa...while I will supply a great new 8 dvd pack of Charlie and Lola,to distract the kids! a must to anyone who has children, I haven't seen the dvds but the books are great, entertaining and educational of course!

Bon Appetit!

Nature or learned response?

For all those times I drove everyone crazy..Shane,Aurore, and Anne..perhaps others who are long in my past.. I post this in my defense! It is in my nature..smiling..I found it to be too true not to post! So rolling of eyes is permitted at this stage!

The Moon represents the emotional responses, unconscious pre-destination, and the self-image.

Moon in Sagittarius
More than anything, Lunar Sagittarians have a need for personal freedom and space. They are extraordinarily happy and easygoing folk, as long as they don't feel caged in or cooped up. Lunar Sagittarians have a simultaneous need for activity. Meeting new people, going out in the world, and travel are all important to their sense of well-being. They love open spaces, and, in their homes, a roomy and bright environment. There's a bit of a teacher in Moon in Sagittarius, and definitely a helpful spirit. They easily forget appointments and the like, and some are even considered irresponsible. (hmm) However, it is hard to stay angry at a Lunar Sagittarian! They are so cheerful and upbeat, and their optimism is catchy.

Many people with this position are outdoorsy types. At the very least, they have a great love for friendly competition. When the going gets tough, these people run away. (oops!)They don't like to be caught up in routine for too long, and they simply need to escape. There's a blind faith in Lunar Sagittarians that is admirable. They simply believe that everything will work out. Not much for making detailed plans, people with Moon in Sagittarius prefer to wing it. They're very adaptable and generally on the go.

Short description:

Likes to throw herself into the unknown and into adventure: she is agile, tough and enthusiastic. Attracted to long voyages, to discover the unknown.

Weaknesses: takes great risks in throwing herself into the unknown and into adventure. Audacious, bold and rebellious. Unable to stay in one place, is always ready to risk everything to achieve her goal.

My first election day party! Wow! the energy and the tension...the loud cheering everytime Obama was predicted to have won a new state..was amazing.(sorry for the photo quality, no flash).The store was packed! I bought my Obama pin and was wearing it for the past week as well! It is amazing that we are making history, an african american president, who would have thought. The last time I felt like this was when the Berlin wall fell down in 89. Hopefully we will have a better future!
Although, to be honest, after 8 years of BUSH..anything he does will be better!!! First off he's intelligent and can read! And surprise! He can talk about subjects without a script!! Good luck everyone!

A day in the rain..

Volunteered in the rain to help out at Housing Works, an organization which donates all of its proceeds to help the homeless and those in need of aid. I found them by accident a few years ago and fell in love with the bookstore, the atmosphere and energy is very soothing. Today they had a book fair outside, under tents, which dripped. The worse was not really the rain, but the dripping from the tents,which at one point would pour cold water down your back, and get under your shirt...ughh.. Not getting soaked was not an option, which made getting a free cup of hot coffee even more enviable! I had the fun job of going around and punching at the water logged tents so cascades of water would tumble down, sometimes we had a few casualties! Yet all in all most of the people had a sense of humour!
Although, I myself, am a book lover/fiend..I have NEVER witnessed such a thing, in the beginning all was well and organized, then as the tables got fuller,and those who hanged in their for the long haul...these were 1$ a book, all kinds...we started having crowds gathering around us repacking books to take to the specific tables, which in the beginning we had, they were like cats at a butcher shop, or vultures over a dead carcass, looming over your shoulder, grabbing a book here grabbing a book there! Tailing me as I carried the box to its designated spot..Returning after such a trip I find my co-volunteer using his voice as a whip, (back back I say! ) teasing, yet kindly but firmly requesting them to go to the tables..However, it was understandable, the temptation to find "the"book, the first glimpse before anyone else spies it..people were buying by the box loads..I myself had to ferret and hide a few books, with the cashier, and to my astonishment, found myself with 11 books! Some nice art books I must admit and one big sociology book..Oriental Despotism...hmm sounds serious doesn't it!
But all joking aside, it was a well run, disciplined organization. Which when my shift ended, 10-2 a new group came, lucky them the rain had stopped! I along with the rest of volunteers were truly tired and ready to rest...the real staff..still unpaid..stayed for the whole thing. I must admit, I am happy to be a part of this, everyone, seemed to know each other from past years, there was a camaraderie amongst people from all walks of life, young and old!

A quiet trip up north..

Genevieve's Birthday in the park with a smiling Thierry behind...happy 30th!

mmm Genevieve is tasty! A picnic for all ages!

Quebecois Flag..

Heralding Autumn's arrival!
Sigh..love the staircases..seems typical Montreal..

Other than flying my favorite way to travel is by train..
Meditative,
through open windows the landscape flies by..
sunlight filters through trees creating startling landscapes of light and shadow.
autumn is near, the trees have started to change color
yellow, amber, orange.. just on the edges.
Would that I lived in a place like this..
would I get tired of its natural beauty?

This trip to visit Genevieve and Thierry, has left me rested if a bit philosophical.
No technology, for me a retreat from the world at large, their home a wealth of warmth and laughter.
Although a home is only a shell with four walls, it is those inside which give it life!
I have left Montreal if not wiser a little less stressed having extended my trip by one day. Montreal reminds me of France with its cafes and its subtle french atmosphere. Quite homey, with its melange of immigrants it is different to Quebec. Although the accent is a little difficult to comprehend, the people were very polite and smiled. At a little "salon de the" named "fous des dessert", I had a very nice lesson in green tea by its Japanese owner, in french! Where I drank an oolong tea with orchid flower, quite subtle. Of course with a pain chocolat, made with real chocolate..mmm.Lucky for me, I also enjoyed a traditional fondue, made with broth. Being invited to a home cooked dinner is a wonderful way to meet people, and just observe, thankfully Genevieve quickly showed me the trick of tying the meat, so it doesn't fall off. Although there is a tradition of kissing the person on your right if you do lose your food in the broth! Hmm would that lead to a lot of hungry people...
thank you..
In the end everything begins and ends with us...no I have not just come to that conclusion, but it is a lesson which sometimes needs remembering..My body tends to tell me when something is wrong, sleepless nights, fatigue, irritability..but I often ignore her, till its too late. She is someone I have to heal first from the inside out..I have been reminded of this by a cold sore, for some it is a normal occurence, for me it has happened during major life changes, every few years.It is my bodies way of dealing with stress and shaking me awake when I am too 'tetue' to listen! So I have promised less coffee, more green tea, and wholesome foods, a start for now. Although I am positive, the stress and anxiety over my decision to move and no work etc...will be harder to leave aside, although I will try.
I love you all dearly my friends, a double edged sword to have you all scattered about! at least one is only a train ride away...

to sleep or not to sleep

that really is the question..whether or not to dream or perhaps to fall into the arms of morpheus..an age old question since Shakespeares time..what I wouldn't give for a peaceful nights sleep..not to wake up, and think of all manner of strange and exasperating scenario's. The mind works in mysterious ways, but why mostly at night??
so this resident night owl, will write by moonlight, while all the worlds asleep..If anyone finds Mr.Sandman, send him to me, although..living in the modern city "which never sleeps" there are a million and one sounds at night, from people going and coming from work, the wood floors and furniture creaking and settling (disturbing really till you get accustomed to it) the ambulances and trucks down whizzing down the streets..the deli (bakkal like) starting to open at 3 am preparing for the day ahead, to the least a wind chime, tinkling with the wind..all these noises one hears so much better at night, and jumps at the least possible sound...
It's four thirty, and I've been up since three..if ever I had a child, I would be prepared..I'm off to bed, again..I understand why people take sleeping pills..ahh the sound of the industrial sized air conditioner..forgotten that one!
good night to all..j'espere...

Life is not so grey...

After making a few decisions, hopefully in the right direction, I feel a little less like a fish out of water.  Today, its a bit strange I've forgotten how diverse New York is. I've laughed quite a bit, I also realize that I have more of a sense of humour then your average New Yorker! But luckily this being New York no one looked at me too strangely. Looking around you see people dressed so that all you see are a long pair of legs, a costume from the 1930's middle america, a man walking and cursing down the street only to stop...and kiss his girlfriend. Bodies that look like models, sitting in cafes full to overflowing...Well basically it has been an interesting day observing tout le monde..so where do I fit in...at the moment just as an observer. I miss France, Europe in General, but no matter how much I would like to think differently...I don't belong there..sigh! laughing  I must have the strangest accent now, I've been asked three times where it's from! Always the same shocked expression when I say Turkish..I've become mysterious....me! Must admit it was hell overseas, being Turkish and American, neither one of which is too well accepted. Had to improvise and say bit of both, which was getting annoying since I'm really neither. 

Tout commence par des reves..true still stand by it..look at Shane and Aurore, who would have thought, good luck to both of you!

..running out of battery must leave now from this used bookstore dedicated to the homeless..

A path once chosen...

It feels like a lifetime since I last wrote..and well it could be. No longer in Istanbul, how strange. I've traversed the world it seems to end up where I least expected to be.
A bit melancholy, perhaps it's Bach, the cello suites were never lighthearted. Yet it suits my mood, introspective, contemplative. Therefore reader be forewarned!
Would that I could stifle these urges that goad and push for more. MORE what is more! There is no definition really, it is wanting what you do not have yet when you have..are we satisfied..for the moment, a day, a week and then it's back! Do all human beings have this craving, this impulsiveness to uproot their whole world on a whim, or so it seems sometimes. For what? sigh...A longing..
I've traveled the world, or a part of it, and for that I am grateful. I have been allowed to see, smell and live with others while they went about their lives. I've made friends which I can love and miss their companionship dearly.. I've matured perhaps too much..for this place seems to have stood still.
One day I will write about all the joy there was in traversing my little world, but not today, not with Bach's cellos playing in the background...
Alone once more, who would have thought it would be this difficult...surrounded by people one longs for piece yet once granted...can it be taken back.
once more a floating weed,
off the coast of the atlantic,
too far
both sides of the shore...so far...
destined to float on the sea,
or get dragged under by the current...

Hustle and Bustle

Life goes on amongst the hustle and bustle of the living in Istanbul. Overcrowded cafe's, streets and cars! Spent the early morning wandering with Anne amongst the Princess Islands, relaxing boat trip up and it really feels like another world, no one awake in the early hours but cats and horses. No cars allowed, heavenly...wandering the tree lined streets- peace at last. Two friends relaxing in the sun, while a kitten decides to take refuge on my backpack! Now sitting here relaxed in my element it feels strange that I will be leaving in three weeks. Do we close one chapter of one's life only to open another one? I do not want to stress the last few days, but finish what I have to do and prepare for my trip to France. Looking forward to traveling, sigh, where will this love affair with new sights and old friends end? Will I ever truly be an academic, sitting in a musty library, wandering among shelves of books rather than streets!

For those of us who've lived abroad...

Ok, maybe it's just my own feeling, but I would like to thank those people, who make it possible for those of us who live abroad to find a used english bookstore. It's a rare gift and it's impossible not to feel grateful and hug the owner for having an array of titles! Just the possibility of skimming through books which are not a century old, or harlequin novels!Thank you thank you...so saying, I found an interesting D.H.Lawrence book called The Fox. One I hadn't heard of before.

A minute detail..

Something to chew on...Huge billboards of a silk scarf ad...
These scarves were usually shown tied gracefully around the neck
however now...they are tied around the head in a peasant fashion,
not like a headscarf where no hair is visible, but a knot under the chin...
Maybe I'm paranoid but these are minute ways of getting us accustomed to the idea.
Besides which, scarves worn around the neck, like neck ties, are a western invention, and have no place in an Islamic society, as this goverment would like us to be.
Just in case this is a hint of paranoia, when our prime minister meets with more conservative members of his parliament, we lose the necktie...minute perhaps...but all the same, it starts like this. And soon you become so used to it, that, it no longer bothers you..It is normal...that's when for those who think like I do the s... has hit the fan.

Where does one end and one begin?

The savagery of man...long story of how it began, but we had a discussion at work, about how men could become animalistic and not only 'rape' but brutalize a woman. Rape is a power struggle, most people would agree on that, however, even rape needs to have some boundaries some humanity, yet, there are men, or groups of men, who take advantage of being stronger, and use her like a vessel an orifice, till she is limp and bleeding or dead. How is this possible? Although canon law stated around 11th c. a woman was always ready for sex as she has no visible means of sexuality... Do we still in the 21st c. hold this biased view? How does a human being lose control to this degree? What is completely incomprehensible is the blase retort "she was asking for it". Fine, even if it's assumed that she "wanted" to have sex, this is NOT sex. No one would ask for this kind of degradation. What happened to society? Maybe it's naive but the difference between animals and humans is will power. Therefore men should take their cocks in hand and think before they act. Although women need to be responsible for their well being when the words no, or stop are uttered- why does selective hearing take place? Would men be this "cocky" (sorry for the pun), if women were able to rape men! Yet would women have it in them to be that violent? I do believe in DNA coding and women were always the protectors of the family and homemakers, therefore if a sound mind is applied I do believe its not the case.
Are there no men to stop and think of the consequences of their actions? Are there no regrets? Most likely not, with men still thinking they own women as property, and the simple retort that she was not a socially acceptable person therefore, up for anything. Such simplistic thinking but true.
And now they want to launch a 4th Car Theft Auto, or whatever it's called, as if there isn't enough violence! I see it all day in my four year old class..kids immediately go for the throat, they start young.

Labor Day 2008 Istanbul

Sigh...last year was the first time I came face to face with Istanbul's version of labor day. Unknowingly, naive, I walked into Taksim Square, looking for a man (who later became a friend) to take to my new job, working on the Asian side. As I went up the hill, lo and behold hundreds of police barricades, news reporters , no buses, no metro's. Hmm imagine my surprise, as I chat to a reporter, asking what is going on, he gave me a look of disbelief! It's May day! Be careful, there can be riots, protests, molotov cocktails etc..OK..so, I find Michael very easily as we are the only two idiots to be wandering around the streets with our mouths open, (so to speak) as we continue walking trying to meet up with the chauffeur, we come across tanks! and people walking trying to get to work.
Well, that was one year ago, and yes there were protests and riots. This year the government who is trying to portray itself as very pro-European Union, democratic, pro-human rights,etc.. Labels the working class (in a sense no direct translation)as nothing but "lower classes, who are they to dictate what we will do". They wanted to meet in Taksim Square, however instead of finding a way to come to terms with the unions, his government, the mayor etc, restricted any protests, changed the name of the day and said if any one decides to demonstrate they will use force. And that is exactly what they have done! IF this was any country during the communist era I could understand this type of action however this is not! They have barrackaded the building where one group of workers were supposed to start their walk,(about 600 people) and if any happen to leave the building they are pelted with tear gas, water and paint..there are hundreds of police walking around in groups a show of force!. Taksim Square is completely cut off from any kind of transport and people- literally a bird cannot fly through there. It is surrounded by police which have been brought from around Turkey, of course with sharpshooters standing by on rooftops! This is a main touristic area, with hotels and restaurants, poor tourists! Don't misunderstand me, this is NOT a terrorist organization just workers old and young who wanted to celebrate this holiday, ok, sometimes there are small groups of other organizations who protest as well, but usually they are small enough to contain. However this is a show of power and brute force! the police are pelting people whether or not, they are protestors, they have even entered some of the hospitals, which of course baffled some of the doctors inside.
It's sad and unbelievable, I couldn't go to work today, because of the closure of the roads and transport, as well as the fact that my parents would have worried about me, but I must say we got off easy last year with Micheal, this year I wouldn't be so sure.
These actions will have repercussions, no one has the right to be treated this way, these are your workers, your people, not terrorists! Bully tactics never work. However, this is another fine example of this goverments tactics, they only do what is best for them...sigh..."What is to be done"? as the title of Chernyshevsky's 19th Century novel asks...

hello world, remember me,

So, it's been two almost two years since I've been in Istanbul AND I must admit it went by quite fast, and although I sometimes feel like I've not accomplished much, I think I have...broadened my horizons quite a bit...
I've become much more cynical with goverments and life in general however and globalization has a lot to answer for. Idealistic people try to protest against goverments working with big corporations or even bigger goverments however to what avail? Istanbul's new goverment has sold off nearly everything they could think of to foreign investors, or family members. Electricity, bus companies, soon Natural gas, with this of course comes increased prices and we are becoming more and more isolated! May 1st is labor day and has been for nearly 200 years all around Europe, yet our goverment has decided to rename that day, and therefore, control all the protests and demonstrations that are sure to be. No, this is not a joke. Although I must admit if it wasn't the country, where I am living now, I would think it was so. Not that the US is much better with Bush heading it, and soon in my opinion will be McCain unfortunately, since the population of the US has a tendency to elect conservative. I will have gained the ability to study, read at my leisure and walk down the street and see some nature, AND despite everything it is stable. I don't feel economically secure in this country, or that the future is heading in the right direction. The new regime has gotten into the foundations of this country and like termites they are very hard to get rid of. I wish I was being pessimistic but I'm afraid we are heading in the same direction as Iran, watch Persepolis the animation! and you will see what I mean. So I'm off on this beautiful day, to teach the little buggers :)

Brecht...

I agree that some author's have to be read at a certain age..and Brecht is one of them for me. I've had the Threepenny Opera, sitting on my shelf for years, but now I've just decided to read it and it's an amazing parody on capitalism and war. Which seems perfectly suitable to this day and age. I came across this poem, which I will insert -

And now they're off to the war

And they all need cartridges badly

and of course there are plenty of nice kind people

Who'll find them the cartridges gladly

'No ammunition,no war!

'Leave that to us, my sons!

You go to the front and fight,

We'll make you munitions and guns.'

And they made munitions in piles,

And there wasn't a war to be found

And of course there were plenty of nice kind people

Who conjured one out of the ground,

'Off you go, dear boy, to the front!

For they threaten your native sod

March, for your mothers and sisters,

For your King and for your God!'(Brecht, Penguin Books, 1967)

Does any of this sound familiar??? I find it very very ironic!

nothing to say..

just a month ago...brrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Ephesus and Priene

A weekend trip to Izmir, a night on the bus followed by a day of pouring rain! But still it was a trip well worth the effort. Luckily the next day shined bright and dry on us!

First stop, Selcuk St.John's Church! Some believe that he is buried here in Selcuk there is a tomb.

Baptismal font! Yet just behind it was a tomb with an engraving of a wild beast or gargoyle! Still a bit pagan..
This symbol carved into marble appears once again in an Athenian Temple in Pirene...was it the symbol of Christianity, of a co-mingling of religions?

Ephesus!

A weary traveler, just arriving from a long trip to spend a few days in Ephesus and what does he need the most!!! Well just look closely and maybe you can guess?? A woman, a heart and your left foot...Once we found it I must admit it was very extravagant with rooms, a mosaic tiled dining room, a washroom and just behind the public toilets where all essential business was taken care of!!!
Just for laughs!

The library...sigh..two floors and we consider ourselves civilized today..we could take lessons!

Who needs carpets! Amazed at how much is still intact and the colors!

New site, Priene...look carefully! Can find letters engraved in the rocks! Graffitti? Practice writing? who knows...But these were near the church.

Church ruins..right beside the Athenian Temple, Amazing.

and the floors! Thank you mom! She translated the writing...."good kisses!" Hmm some passing stranger to his new sweetheart or to the goddess Athena will we never know! Now brace yourself!

Columns from an Athenian Temple! Words failed me, and I really felt moved! I

Can you see my head near the last column? Someone really wanted to please Athena..

It could be seen from all over the city, a city which had a remarkable sewage system, covered on the side of the streets, leading all the way down to sea. Beautiful staircases leading to side streets where nobles lived, the floor plans readily viewable. An amphitheatre, a temple for Hygenia (or was that the wife), a gymnasium, a church, a square, market place, Greek writing visible on tablets, seats, tiny but immaculate writing! We spent over two hours just wandering around amazed..

Any ideas what these symbols stand for?? These were also on the temple floor.

Street with sewage system showing.

Sitting in the amphitheatre in the best seat in the house! Arm rests had carvings that fit right in the palm of your hand...luxury! It's good to be a senator! Assume that they sprawled as well!

Surrounding countryside which used to be water.

Fini!

Nostalgia...

Ahh sun!! It's really a beautiful spring day! Before I get to the interesting bit and publish photos of Ephesus and Pirene in Izmir, I've been feeling a bit nostalgic. I finished reading my uncle's book; a memoir of his life in Istanbul during the 1940's and 1950's. I'm grateful to him for writing it as it's a family heirloom of the past. I got to know all the "characters" in the book and some I hand known, and their passing was as difficult for me as it must have been for my uncle. His era was a time of long friendships, from childhood, highschool to old age. He mentions in passing that his generation was one that wasn't interested in "saving the world, they weren't interested in politics" as the 1968-70 generation was. The sixties gave us Capitalisim and Globalization...and a generation which lost their youth...a bit cliche, but it has to be mentioned, since it hasn't really gone back. This morning I was rummaging in an old bookstore off Istiklal, the one's that stink of cats and books which smell of decay...when I came upon a box of old photos. This is a phenomena which is very popular in Turkey, maybe in the rest of the world as well not sure, but they are cast offs of peoples lives in black and white. It is both morbid and interesting, once again a voyeur into other peoples lives. People who have passed away and all that's left is these black and white memories...sometimes I came across letters, love letters telling of hardships and jealousy...as well as sickness and old age...I felt like I an intruder yet it was difficult to stop searching...searching...and wondering what happened to all of them?? Was that woman smiling in her wedding dress really happy...I left with these images imprinted into my mind and a line from my uncle's book,-(translated approximately) Possession of property is all very good, but don't forget where the original owners are now? Basically you can't take it with you..as the english saying goes, so try to make the most of life.