A day spent whinging..

I always thought that one day life would get easier, there would come a time where everything would just fall into place. Why?I don't know! I've come to the conclusion that unless you are one of those lucky people who know what they want to be from the precocious age of 5, most people don't know how they will turn out. Fate and luck play a large part, if born into a semi civilized society that is one point in your favor. I say semi civilized because every society has its own rules and regulations which could be argued for or against. Living in Istanbul at the moment, I've become aware of how indifferent people truly can be. However this can be said about most big cities and I just happen to be here. Sitting in a street cafe drinking tea, waiting for the ferry a gypsy comes up to me. She's old, asking to read my palm, I've blown her off before in one of my "don't give a damn moods" but looking into her eyes I said no thanks, she said she was hungry..so I gave her some change. If you really look at them and touch them its hard not to feel some pity...same thing on the ferry coming back. An old man with one leg is trying to interest the crowd into buying lighters-his face is lined, and tired as if to say doesn't anyone give a damn. It isn't fair really, how much would could either of them earn and at that age..I thought of myself, my family, friends it could happen..you never know. It's the same with romance and love.

Growing up in New York, I read alot, and I still do, hence my becoming an English major. However, sometimes reading can be dangerous and lead you to develop ideals which truly do not exist. Like the myth about "Prince Charming"..hmm riding up on his white horse, or the "happily ever after" with one man (or woman). These dangerous thoughts had most young girls (at least when I was growing up back in the 80's) to primp and shorten their skirts in hopes of attracting him and living out the fantasy. These girls do attract men, in many different shapes and sizes. Many girls, excited by the prospect of a man, settled for the imitation with hopes that some would get better with age. Some seemed quite pleased with themselves and for many years assumed that, getting slapped, degraded, pregnant and cheated on was just part of the new package. How did they know, we never got passed the kiss or riding off into the sunset. So,maybe this was what they deserved, if you tell a girl or boy they're worthless enough times they start believing that. Although I'm not sexist I've taken on the side of the women here, it's just a larger ratio usually in society. Sigh..A never ending cycle..it's hard to escape once you're caught in the middle and it seems impossible to leave. Sadly, this doesn't seem to be a new trend, listening to older people discuss their youthful exploits made me realize that it's always been around. Don't we ever learn?

Another pet peeve of mine happens here in Turkey, as well as in a few other places (non western) arranged marriages and women seen as commodity, to the extent that they get killed.Some young girls in Turkey, try to escape by running away or going to the police. However, as luck would have it, it seems desperately unfair. The guardian arrives properly contrite and the girl, who is usually underage, is released into their custody. Returned to their previous abuse which sometimes leads to death. I despise reading the local newspapers, it details countless accounts of rage murders, jealousy and the most famous "namus"-honor killings. Why is it always a woman's honor, and not a man's? Just once I'd like to read about a woman murdering her husband for dishonoring the family! I cannot understand for the life of me, how one sibling could kill another one, and it is usually the youngest boy who has the honours. (If caught, being a minor he does less or no jail time.) Around the 12th century, the Scandinavians seemed to have the right idea, if a woman was "dishonored",the family was paid a fine and the woman married off at a later time (either to the same man, or someone else). Civilized-she was still seen as property but hell at least she was still allowed to live! What is it with sexuality that has people killing each other?! It is a normal act, which two people engage in and yes male or female. It's my property and I have the right to deal with my body as I see fit! However no, if I was to say that in some parts of the country I would get gang raped probably..It depresses me sometimes to think people should be able to get over it. But no..with all our technology and modernity, human beings still resort to primitive man. Shouldn't we be passed all these issues with sexuality, and just accept people? Lesbians and homosexuals as well..what difference does it make who they love as long as the fact that they do love. Why the desperate need to judge, why can't they just accept it. It doesn't do any harm! Besides which at least speaking for myself, attraction and falling in love, are not conscious choices but more with chemistry and emotions! Therefore trying to force them to be standard, (I hate the term normal ) is a waste of time. This happens all over the world, and it never ceases to amaze me. Sometimes it just seems to be a lack of common sense..maybe despite what I thought life does get easier..at least at the moment it seems that way for me.