Planning or wanting doesn't work so..

A swift kick in the arse, or in my case -a good banging of my knee on ice helped knock some sense into me, during a senseless time..my worse nightmare, problems with my visa have surfaced..so I've given up..whatever is going to happen will happen..I am now strangely calm..
I also finally have an answer to another question which was plaguing the back of my mind, which I can live with and understand, it closes a chapter..what they say about closure is frightfully true, so I am at peace and content...only thing missing is taking a long long walk in the mountains, had a short one last weekend but it wasn't enough..too much in the city..
but in my dreams I can see..the white peaked trees covered in snow, as far as my eyes can see, inhaling sharply, the cold cuts deep into my lungs, yet it doesn't hurt..only refreshes, closing my eyes slowly, I sense the fragrance of the pines,the dry papery whish of the birch trees..music as the silence penetrates deep into my veins..drumming slowly a song penetrates deep within my soul..entering the silence. Thank you...